{"id":19035,"date":"2019-06-02T01:00:33","date_gmt":"2019-06-02T08:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=19035"},"modified":"2024-06-28T03:15:01","modified_gmt":"2024-06-28T10:15:01","slug":"how-to-be-an-active-listener","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/how-to-be-an-active-listener\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be an Active Listener To Your Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It\u2019s a terrible habit but so many people have it. We \u201clisten\u201d only in the sense that we wait for our turn to respond. But listening doesn\u2019t mean asking a question and waiting through someone\u2019s answer to give our own answer. It means actually taking the time to engage with what someone is saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being an active listener is so crucial to a relationship. Relationships can fall apart if one partner feels that the other partner isn’t listening. It\u2019s never fun to say something to your partner and have them ask the same question three minutes later. Active listening is just as important on a first date as it is ten years into a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we\u2019re not used to active listening, it can take some time to change our ways. Try enacting these steps in your day to day life. These small steps can make a big change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Focus on your partner.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a simple request but how many times do you find yourself zoning out and thinking about other things when your partner is telling you a story? It happens. You might have had a long day at work and are still thinking about work but your partner is trying to engage you. Recognize that your focus has drifted and remind yourself to focus on one thing at a time, in this case your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Process what your partner is saying and put yourself in their shoes.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Really try to think about what your partner is saying and, even further, think about what\u2019s driving what they’re saying. Have they talked to you about this before? Do they just need to vent or are they looking for advice? Is this connected to something else that\u2019s going on in their lives? Think about how to approach engaging with them by really honing in on what they\u2019re saying. Think about the emotion behind what they\u2019re telling you and why they\u2019re feeling that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pay attention to other cues that can tell you how they\u2019re feeling.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Take a look at body language. If your partner is looking closed off, arms crossed, not looking you in the eye, not facing you even, they might be feeling a bit vulnerable. This might be a difficult topic to them so approach gently. Or maybe they’re moving around a lot, fidgeting, or playing with their hair. They might be nervous and need reassurance from you that it\u2019s okay to continue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check your bias.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Your partner is coming to you for a reason. They trust you. They rely on you. It\u2019s okay to not agree with everything that they’re saying, but try to keep your judgements to yourself. Maybe you don\u2019t agree with something your partner did at a certain point in a story that they’re telling you. That\u2019s fine but remember that you weren\u2019t in your partner\u2019s situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to call attention to this one moment, pay attention again to how they\u2019re feeling. If they seem to be feeling a little down or vulnerable at the moment, you may want to let it go. If they seem excited or happy, wait until the story is over and approach the conversation gently. But just remember that you may have a bias that is guiding your reason for feeling that way, so be sure that your bias isn\u2019t playing a role in how you\u2019re responding here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Engage without interrupting and not to just turn the conversation towards you.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s okay to interject a feeling of empathy. Maybe you\u2019ve been where your partner stood before and want to say how you dealt with the situation. There\u2019s nothing wrong with that, but try to keep the conversation on your partner who wanted to talk to you. Tell how you dealt with the situation and then ask a question to reengage your partner. And only offer this interjection once they are done speaking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think through whether or not that\u2019s what your partner needs before jumping into speaking. Maybe your partner just needed to vent a little and just really wanted someone to listen because they don\u2019t feel listened to all day. Just by being there and actively listening, you\u2019re helping. By asking more questions you might be undoing some of the relief your partner got by getting their story out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is why it\u2019s so important to put yourself in your partner\u2019s shoes and pay attention to how they\u2019re talking to you. By doing so, you can best decide how to engage or what your partner needs from you in this moment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Being an active listener is so crucial to a relationship. But how is it really done? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":156,"featured_media":19045,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[894,891],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19035","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healthy-relationships","category-relationship-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Be an Active Listener To Your Partner<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being an active listener is so crucial to a relationship. 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Relationships can fall apart if one partner feels that the other partner isn't listening.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/how-to-be-an-active-listener\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-06-02T08:00:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-06-28T10:15:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/05\/31121546\/active-listening.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Jacqueline Gualtieri\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Jacqueline Gualtieri\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Be an Active Listener To Your Partner","description":"Being an active listener is so crucial to a relationship. 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