{"id":19070,"date":"2019-06-10T01:00:13","date_gmt":"2019-06-10T08:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=19070"},"modified":"2021-05-31T08:43:18","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T15:43:18","slug":"non-monogamy-dating-profile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/","title":{"rendered":"Non-monogamy: 5 Questions to Ask When It’s on Their Dating Profile"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Imagine a typical online dating scenario: you swipe right, swap witty repartee, and make a plan for drinks. All signs point to \u201cgo\u201d until you notice one small detail: their profile mentions non-monogamy. Non-mono-<\/span>what<\/span><\/i>?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, so maybe you\u2019re familiar with non-monogamy, but for those who aren\u2019t, non-monogamy is pretty much what it sounds like\u2014a relationship where one or both partners have romantic and\/or sexual connections with people outside the relationship. It\u2019s also an umbrella term that covers a variety of relationship models from swinging (many sex partners) to polyamory (many loves) and everything in between. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a practical level, what this means is that while monogamy is fairly straightforward\u2014two people who only have sex with each other\u2014non-monogamy is much trickier to pin down. So whether you\u2019re a non-monogamy connoisseur or a total neophyte, when you go on a date with someone who\u2019s looking for non-monogamy, you\u2019ll need to ask these simple yet essential questions to peel back the layers and find out what non-monogamy means for them.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question #1: Do you have a primary partner? <\/b>
\n<\/b>A primary partner is someone you\u2019re closely bonded to who also meets a variety of your emotional and sexual needs. Simply referencing the term \u201cprimary partner\u201d will show your date that you know the lingo, but hearing their answer will also reveal a wealth of information about how they view and experience non-monogamy. Someone who has a primary partner, for example, is rarely looking for another, so if your date has one, you\u2019ll know right from the start that they\u2019re probably not dating you with the intention to get married, have kids, or even shack up together.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question #2: What are you looking for?<\/b>
\n<\/b>Knowing if your date has a primary partner is just the tip of the iceberg. To really understand your date\u2019s view of non-monogamy, you\u2019ll need to ask what kind of partner they\u2019re looking for. Do they want a boyfriend\/girlfriend or more like a friends-with-benefits? Or is a one-night stand more their speed? Because every non-monogamous relationship is different and each couple (or single) has their own rules, you need to check your expectations at the door. Don\u2019t make assumptions. Instead ask clearly and specifically what your date\u2019s ideal connection with you will look like.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question #3: Do you practice ethical non-monogamy?<\/b>
\n<\/b>There are a variety of ways to ask this question but the bottom line is that you want to know whether or not your date\u2019s current sexual and romantic partners are aware that they are non-monogamous. Ethical non-monogamy should be a requirement for anyone you want to date because if they\u2019re not ethical then that means they\u2019re cheating. And cheating should be a hard pass. Always.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

People, of course, do lie on occasion, so while it\u2019s fine to take someone\u2019s word for it initially, you will eventually want to confirm that everything is on the up and up. Two easy ways to verify that your date is ethically non-monogamous include meeting their other partner(s) and\/or viewing their partner(s) dating profile, assuming it\u2019s linked to from your date\u2019s profile. (If not, then they could be showing you anyone\u2019s profile\u2014which doesn\u2019t prove anything.) <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On occasion your date may claim to have a \u201cdon\u2019t ask, don\u2019t tell\u201d (DADT) arrangement with their partner, which is a real thing but is also a thing cheaters say. With a DADT arrangement, everyone is OK with sex outside the relationship; they just don\u2019t want any involvement or details. If your date makes this claim, your best bet is to ask for a video featuring your date and their partner. In the video their partner should describe the rules of their DADT relationship and give their blessing. This may sound like a lot to ask but considering what they are asking of you\u2014i.e., trust that they\u2019re not a cheater, even though you will need to hide your relationship and can never meet their partner\u2014a two-minute iPhone video doesn\u2019t sound like a big ask.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question #4: Do you follow any relationship rules or guidelines?<\/b>
\n<\/b>This is a bit of a trick question because everyone has common relationship practices, even if they\u2019re as mundane as how you split the bill or whether you\u2019re expected to send a \u201cgood morning\u201d text. But what you\u2019re really trying to get at is what\u2019s on the menu.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many non-monogamists, for example, have strict rules about only having sex with partners who have been checked recently for STIs and who use condoms and other barriers, including for oral sex. Others may have limits on how often they go on dates so as to keep the balance in their other relationships. Whatever their guidelines are, you\u2019ll want to know your date\u2019s normal M.O. so you don\u2019t inadvertently break a rule or ask for something that pushes a boundary.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question #5: What was your journey to non-monogamy?<\/b>
\n<\/b>Finally, a fun one! Asking about someone\u2019s journey to non-monogamy will without a doubt deepen your understanding of your date\u2019s style of non-monogamy, but it\u2019s also very likely to be interesting and entertaining. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To take a few liberties with a famous Tolstoy quote: \u201cEveryone\u2019s journey to monogamy is the same; each person’s journey to non-monogamy happens in its own way.\u201d In other words, most monogamous couples are monogamous because they defaulted to monogamy. Often it\u2019s not even discussed. On the other hand, people who are non-monogamous almost always have an interesting story to tell. Sometimes they read a book that opened their eyes or had a friend who introduced them to the concept. Then there\u2019s often a period of exploration where they \u201ctry it out,\u201d work through issues of jealousy, and make mistakes as they learn what flavor of non-monogamy is right for them. As you chat, you\u2019ll get a sense of how comfortable your date is with non-monogamy\u2014like whether they\u2019re a beginner, an intermediate, or a seasoned pro\u2014which can help you figure out whether they can be your non-monogamy guide or if they\u2019ll need you to be theirs.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bottom line: if non-monogamy is something that interests you, dating people who are openly non-monogamous is the perfect way to dip your toe. Today more than ever people are declaring themselves non-monogamous at a young age and seeking partners who value a non-traditional relationship model. And as long as you know the right questions to ask, you\u2019ll be a happy\u2014and ethical\u2014participant, right there along with them.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Simple yet essential questions to ask someone who puts non-monogamous on their dating profile. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":188,"featured_media":19071,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,888,980,991],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19070","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-online-dating","category-online-dating-tips","category-tinder"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNon-monogamy: 5 Questions to Ask When It's on Their Dating Profile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So whether you\u2019re a non-monogamy connoisseur or a total neophyte, when you go on a date with someone who\u2019s looking for non-monogamy, you\u2019ll need to ask these simple yet essential questions to peel back the layers and find out what non-monogamy means for them.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Non-monogamy: 5 Questions to Ask When It's on Their Dating Profile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"So whether you\u2019re a non-monogamy connoisseur or a total neophyte, when you go on a date with someone who\u2019s looking for non-monogamy, you\u2019ll need to ask these simple yet essential questions to peel back the layers and find out what non-monogamy means for them.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-06-10T08:00:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-31T15:43:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/06\/10135932\/non-monogamy-online-dating.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Dani Sweet\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Dani Sweet\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Non-monogamy: 5 Questions to Ask When It's on Their Dating Profile","description":"So whether you\u2019re a non-monogamy connoisseur or a total neophyte, when you go on a date with someone who\u2019s looking for non-monogamy, you\u2019ll need to ask these simple yet essential questions to peel back the layers and find out what non-monogamy means for them.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Non-monogamy: 5 Questions to Ask When It's on Their Dating Profile","og_description":"So whether you\u2019re a non-monogamy connoisseur or a total neophyte, when you go on a date with someone who\u2019s looking for non-monogamy, you\u2019ll need to ask these simple yet essential questions to peel back the layers and find out what non-monogamy means for them.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_published_time":"2019-06-10T08:00:13+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-05-31T15:43:18+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/06\/10135932\/non-monogamy-online-dating.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Dani Sweet","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Zoosk","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Dani Sweet","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/"},"author":{"name":"Dani Sweet","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/c65130149f259b7609efffb9d21d9d19"},"headline":"Non-monogamy: 5 Questions to Ask When It’s on Their Dating Profile","datePublished":"2019-06-10T08:00:13+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T15:43:18+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/"},"wordCount":1124,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/06\/10135932\/non-monogamy-online-dating.jpg","articleSection":["Dating Advice","Online Dating Articles & Advice for Everyone","Online Dating Tips","Tinder"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/","name":"Non-monogamy: 5 Questions to Ask When It's on Their Dating Profile","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/06\/10135932\/non-monogamy-online-dating.jpg","datePublished":"2019-06-10T08:00:13+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T15:43:18+00:00","description":"So whether you\u2019re a non-monogamy connoisseur or a total neophyte, when you go on a date with someone who\u2019s looking for non-monogamy, you\u2019ll need to ask these simple yet essential questions to peel back the layers and find out what non-monogamy means for them.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/06\/10135932\/non-monogamy-online-dating.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/06\/10135932\/non-monogamy-online-dating.jpg","width":800,"height":600,"caption":"A woman on a dating app thinking about being with someone who's non-monogamous."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/non-monogamy-dating-profile\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Online Dating","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Non-monogamy: 5 Questions to Ask When It’s on Their Dating Profile"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/c65130149f259b7609efffb9d21d9d19","name":"Dani Sweet","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/avatar_user_188_1551742018-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/avatar_user_188_1551742018-96x96.jpg","caption":"Dani Sweet"},"description":"Dani Sweet is a dating and relationships\u00a0writer and healthy relationship enthusiast living in the Bay Area. Past (and current) side hustles include stand-up comedy, sketch writing, copywriting, and raising a tiny human, for which she is paid in kisses and cuddles. Dani has been working with Zoosk to create insightful, engaging content around various aspects of online dating and love.","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/dani-sweet\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19070","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/188"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19070"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19070\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19071"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19070"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19070"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19070"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}