If you clicked on this, you might be thinking to yourself, \u201cWhat do you mean? I know when I like someone, that’s easy.\u201d But do you really?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m sure you know when you dislike someone, but the feeling of liking someone can be brought on by so many false positives. And, if you\u2019re like me, you may question what your true feelings are for someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some things I frequently ask myself when over-analyzing my relationships are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do I like them? Or do I just like what they do for me?
\nDo I like them? Or am I just lonely?
\nDo I like them? Or am I just trying to get over my ex?
\nDo I like them? Or do I just like the idea of them?
\nDo I like them? Or do I just like having sex with them?
\nDo I like them? Or do I just like the potential I see in them?
\nDo I like them? Or do I just like the attention they give me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could go on and on, and a lot of times I\u2019m asking the questions in reverse (eg: do they just like the idea of me?), and there\u2019s nothing wrong with this. It doesn\u2019t mean that you\u2019re not in tune with your emotions it just means you\u2019re human and that love (and like) is complicated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes, the reasons we may think we like someone are more chemical and less rational, so I\u2019m going to try to play to the rational side of things so you can take off (or at least wipe down the lenses of) your rose-colored glasses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. They make you feel good.<\/strong> Our brain chemicals can mess with us and make us feel a strong pull towards a person simply because they\u2019re hard to get or not giving us what we want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In turn, this can make us feel like we\u2019re not good enough or we have to \u201cprove something\u201d to win them over\u2014and it sucks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead, ask yourself: Does this person make me feel good (or possibly better than usual) when I\u2019m around them? Do I feel super comfortable around them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n If the answer is yes, that\u2019s a step in the right direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. They don\u2019t just make you feel good\u2014they make you want to be better. Does this person push to you finally start working on that project you\u2019ve been putting off? Does the mere thought of them help get you out of bed in the morning to that early spin class you used to hit in a slightly-more-motivated phase of your life? Great! You probably like them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. You prioritize them over other people and other plans.<\/strong> Picture this: your best friend invites you to a concert that your favorite artist is playing on Saturday night, but you already have plans to go out with the person you like\u2014what are you doing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Obviously, there\u2019s not a right answer. But, if it\u2019s a more difficult decision than you thought it\u2019d be, then you probably like this person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s another one: imagine your \u201cone that got away\u201d texts you saying they\u2019re in town and would love to catch up over dinner. How interested are you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ask yourself honestly, and it may give some insight into how much you like this new person in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At minimum, if you like someone, you\u2019re probably much less interested in dating apps. You might even\u2014*gasp*\u2014delete them!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. You can\u2019t wait to learn more about them.<\/strong> A lot of times, especially in romantic relationships, we\u2019re trying to fill a space in our lives that we perceive as empty\u2014whether consciously or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A really great way to tell if you like someone for authentic reasons is that you genuinely are interested in hearing about their day\u2014and not just so you can make sure they didn\u2019t flirt with anyone else. You actually want to learn more about their childhood and family history, but not just so you can figure out if their parents will make good in-laws. You want to hear about their hopes and dreams, but not only so you can figure out what their earning potential is in 10 years\u2019 time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. You find ways to incorporate them into all your conversations.<\/strong> 6. You like them for who they are, not who they might be.<\/strong> I would constantly think things like, \u201cWell, he\u2019s pretty immature when it comes to relationships, but I\u2019ll teach him.\u201d Or, \u201cHe\u2019s kind of self-conscious, but I\u2019m sure he\u2019ll grow out of that.\u201d Or, \u201che\u2019s soooo cheap\u2014but when he graduates he\u2019ll get a good job and be willing to spend more money on things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n But the thing is, if they\u2019re not making you happy now, or you can\u2019t deal with their shortcomings now, then they\u2019re probably not the right person for you. Yes, every relationship does take work, but you have to ask yourself whether you\u2019re being realistic or you\u2019re simply settling\u2014and that\u2019s not always an easy question to answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t still have fun with this person, but if you have the tendency to end up in a relationship with most people you have initially casual flings with\u2014be careful and be aware of your patterns. Speaking from someone who\u2019s been there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whether you like someone enough to make them your monogamous partner, or you just like someone enough to want to have sex with them\u2014congrats! Having feelings is awesome and exciting and part of what makes us feel human. Enjoy the highs and the lows and always take a minute to self-reflect on yourself and your relationships, it\u2019s what makes you a good partner.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Do you like them, or do you just like how they make you feel? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":183,"featured_media":19158,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19110","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\nI know I\u2019m not the only one who has fallen for someone that didn\u2019t always make me feel good, so I figured I\u2019d put this one first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>It\u2019s a common clich\u00e9 that when you find the right partner, they\u2019ll push you to want to be a better person, and while it may sound corny\u2014I think there\u2019s some truth to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThis one can be problematic, but it\u2019s still definitely a surefire way to tell if you like someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI recently read a tweet that said something like, \u201cImagine if we formed relationships based off wanting to learn more about a person rather than trying to fill a void within ourselves,\u201d and I felt that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nMuch to the annoyance of our friends, I\u2019m sure we\u2019ve all done this before. We think our crush is so cool\/smart\/interesting that we want to tell everyone we know about them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nWhen I was in my early 20s dating other guys in their early 20s, I made this mistake a lot\u2014and I think it\u2019s a bit easier for women to make because we\u2019re constantly told that men mature late, we have to teach them to be good boyfriends\/husbands, etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n