{"id":19191,"date":"2019-08-21T10:00:09","date_gmt":"2019-08-21T17:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=19191"},"modified":"2021-05-31T08:38:52","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T15:38:52","slug":"learning-to-love-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/healthy-relationships\/learning-to-love-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Obstacles to Get Over When Learning to Love Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

We tell our friends and family, \u201cI love you,\u201d but how often do you say it to yourself? You might\u2019ve heard the term self-love but what does it actually mean? From a young age, we\u2019re trained to think that love and self-worth must be gained and found from external sources. We chase success in our career, academics, and relationships, hoping to find value and worthiness in our achievements.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we don\u2019t think we\u2019re enough, we seek toxic relationships, self-sabotage. We don\u2019t think we\u2019re worthy of something good, because we don\u2019t have x, y, or z.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is when we are our best selves, we\u2019re worthy of love. Right now. It\u2019s a beautiful thought and it\u2019s not far out of reach. However, truly loving yourself as is means undoing years of familial and societal conditioning. Translation: it ain\u2019t gonna be a smooth ride.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you learn to love yourself, you will face a number of challenges, but you\u2019re worth it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Stop Mistaking Self-Love for Narcissism<\/strong>
\nLearn to celebrate yourself for who you are and put your needs first. For some people that notion equates with selfishness or narcissism, but it\u2019s not. Loving yourself doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re an egomaniac. It simply means you recognize your worth. But it\u2019s easier to say the words than to live them.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Don\u2019t Equate Your Value to Your Earnings<\/strong>
\nMost of us don\u2019t call ourselves successful until we receive a promotion. Likewise we might not believe we\u2019re worthy of love until we\u2019re offered commitment from someone else. In these instances, we\u2019re deriving our value from others. While these examples are barometers of career achievement and relationship progression, they don\u2019t accurately reflect our inherent self-worth. You\u2019re worthy of love because you\u2019re the person you want to be. When we seek validation from others, we are saying we are incomplete when, in reality, we are complete because we live life on our own terms.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Your Past Has Made You Feel Unlovable<\/strong>
\nWe all have some baggage, and some of it is worse than others. Feelings of scarcity can stem from childhood neglect or a past breakup. Negative past experiences that caused hurt and confusion are often triggers in our present. When we\u2019re dealt similar situations in the present (an upset with a new love interest or a friend who occasionally ghosts), we reinforce these beliefs about our unlovability with similar narratives from our past. We act on these feelings of inadequacy with self-sabotage and other destructive tendencies. Triggers are tricky to deal with but therapy and self-soothing, like meditation or journaling can help.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning to love yourself is a life-long journey with many ups and downs. The process will feel confrontational and uncomfortable, but if there\u2019s one key to happiness, this is it. Because when we truly love ourselves, we\u2019re able to show up authentically and allow for love to blossom\u2014real love.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We’ve been conditioned all our lives to think that self-love is narcissism. It isn’t. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":61,"featured_media":19192,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[894],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19191","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healthy-relationships"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n3 Obstacles to Get Over When Learning to Love Yourself<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Many people mistake self-love for narcissism. Don't make the same mistake. 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