{"id":19344,"date":"2019-10-10T10:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-10-10T17:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=19344"},"modified":"2021-11-02T04:06:32","modified_gmt":"2021-11-02T11:06:32","slug":"repetition-compulsion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/","title":{"rendered":"Codependency, Repetition Compulsion and The Fixer Role"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Most people can identify a codependent relationship. It looks like women who always date emotionally unavailable men, or men who always date abusive women.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Family and friends are often able to identify a destructive and damaging partner, before the codependant can themselves. They also know that if their codependant loved one meets a potential good partner, this new partner is immediately disqualified as a potential partner. These behaviors usually follow a specific pattern. If you or a loved one has codependency issues, this is what to look out for.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Need to Repeat the Relationship Dynamic<\/b>
\n<\/b>This pattern of behavior in choosing a partner for a relationship that is destructive, harmful, and unsustainable, is known as repetition compulsion. This term was first coined by Freud. It\u2019s a coping mechanism that attempts to fix a problem in the problematic partner. This tendency usually stems from dysfunctional family relationships, usually specifically with the parent of the opposite gender. This is why young girls with abusive fathers seem to bad boys. The same is true when young boys are raised by narcissistic mothers. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Throughout life, the individual tries to correct the problems of the past, by recreating them in their adult relationships. The codependant experiences repetition compulsion believing they were the source of strife in their parental relationship. They feel that if they can fix their unavailable partner they can fix their flawed familial relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this way, the repetitive compulsion feeds the codependency and frustration. No matter how many changes the codependant makes, their partner stays the same. The relationship spirals, just like the previous relationship, and the one before that, which further reinforces the codependent\u2019s belief that they\u2019re damaged goods. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Healing Process <\/b>
\n<\/b>Because dysfunction in relationships is related to fam<\/span>ily trauma, si<\/span>mply acknowledging that a pattern exists is not enough for most people to change their behaviors. This is a deeply ingrained coping strategy that was effective for as a child. It\u2019s persisted this long and takes work and patience to change. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like all trauma recovery<\/a>, the codependent must face both the emotional and cognitive issues that stem from the original trauma before they can move on. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therapy is a useful tool for effecting meaningful change. Coming to understand there isn\u2019t a way to fix the original trauma and dysfunction in the family of origin is the first step. Developing healthy emotional tools to cope with their trauma is the next.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

She helps singles navigate the dating process to find the love of their lives. <\/span><\/i>Take her quiz<\/span><\/i><\/a> to find out if you\u2019re a love addict, sign up for a <\/span><\/i>30-minute strategy session<\/span><\/i><\/a>, or learn more about how to get over a <\/span><\/i>break up<\/span><\/i><\/a>. Sherry maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, and is a sought after online dating and relationship coach. Buy her book <\/span><\/i>here.<\/span><\/i><\/a>For more information visit <\/span><\/i>www.sherrygaba.com<\/span><\/i><\/a> of sign up today for Sherry\u2019s online<\/span><\/i> group coaching program<\/span><\/i><\/a> for $19\/month. Buy her book <\/span><\/i>The Marriage and Relationship <\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reference<\/b><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Bowins, B. (2010). Repetitive maladaptive behavior: beyond repetition compulsion. <\/span>American Journal of Psychoanalysis<\/span><\/i>, 282-98.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Diamond, S. A. (2008, June 14). <\/span>Essential Secrets of Psychotherapy: Repetitive Relationship Patterns<\/span><\/i>. Retrieved August 3, 2019, from Psychology Today: <\/span>https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/evil-deeds\/200806\/essential-secrets-psychotherapy-repetitive-relationship-patterns<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Freud, S. (n.d.). <\/span>Compulsion to Repeat<\/span><\/i>. Retrieved August 3, 2019, from Sigmund Freud- Life and Work: <\/span>http:\/\/www.freudfile.org\/psychoanalysis\/compulsion_repeat.html<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Codepedency is a trap that anyone can fall into. Half the battle is recognizing it, the other half is the life’s work of fixing it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":164,"featured_media":19345,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[891],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19344","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCodependency, Repetition Compulsion and The Fixer Role<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Codepedency is a trap that anyone can fall into. Half the battle is recognizing it, the other half is the life's work of fixing it.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Codependency, Repetition Compulsion and The Fixer Role\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Codepedency is a trap that anyone can fall into. Half the battle is recognizing it, the other half is the life's work of fixing it.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-10-10T17:00:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-11-02T11:06:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/10\/01070520\/repetition-compulsion.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sherry Gaba LCSW\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Sherry Gaba LCSW\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Codependency, Repetition Compulsion and The Fixer Role","description":"Codepedency is a trap that anyone can fall into. Half the battle is recognizing it, the other half is the life's work of fixing it.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Codependency, Repetition Compulsion and The Fixer Role","og_description":"Codepedency is a trap that anyone can fall into. Half the battle is recognizing it, the other half is the life's work of fixing it.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_published_time":"2019-10-10T17:00:05+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-11-02T11:06:32+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/10\/01070520\/repetition-compulsion.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Sherry Gaba LCSW","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Zoosk","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Sherry Gaba LCSW","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/"},"author":{"name":"Sherry Gaba LCSW","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/29655e1c20a4517fba018e12bdd9b140"},"headline":"Codependency, Repetition Compulsion and The Fixer Role","datePublished":"2019-10-10T17:00:05+00:00","dateModified":"2021-11-02T11:06:32+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/"},"wordCount":574,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/10\/01070520\/repetition-compulsion.jpg","articleSection":["Relationship Advice"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/","name":"Codependency, Repetition Compulsion and The Fixer Role","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/10\/01070520\/repetition-compulsion.jpg","datePublished":"2019-10-10T17:00:05+00:00","dateModified":"2021-11-02T11:06:32+00:00","description":"Codepedency is a trap that anyone can fall into. Half the battle is recognizing it, the other half is the life's work of fixing it.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/10\/01070520\/repetition-compulsion.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/10\/01070520\/repetition-compulsion.jpg","width":800,"height":600},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/repetition-compulsion\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Relationships","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Codependency, Repetition Compulsion and The Fixer Role"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/29655e1c20a4517fba018e12bdd9b140","name":"Sherry Gaba LCSW","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/avatar_user_164_1531524574-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/avatar_user_164_1531524574-96x96.jpg","caption":"Sherry Gaba LCSW"},"description":"Sherry Gaba is a Certified Transformation and Recovery Coach, helping singles to navigate the dating process and find the love of their lives. She's a sought-after online dating and relationship coach based in Westlake Village. Take her quiz to find out if you\u2019re struggling with co-dependency nor sign up for a 30-minute strategy session. Sherry has been working with Zoosk to create engaging, informative content around all aspects of dating, love, and relationships.","sameAs":["https:\/\/sherrygaba.com\/"],"url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/sherry-gaba\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19344","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/164"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19344"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19344\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19345"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19344"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19344"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19344"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}