{"id":19549,"date":"2020-01-24T10:21:23","date_gmt":"2020-01-24T18:21:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=19549"},"modified":"2021-05-31T08:22:19","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T15:22:19","slug":"how-important-is-sex-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/healthy-relationships\/how-important-is-sex-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How Important Is Sex In A Relationship? (Hint: Very)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Regardless of whether you have a high sex drive or a low one, if you\u2019re wondering how important is sex in a relationship, the answer should be very!<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All relationships are different because every partner is different. So if you started your relationship and we both knew from the beginning that neither of you wanted much or any sex, that\u2019s perfectly fine and natural. But even that absence of sex is proof enough that sex matters in your relationship. You both actively decided that sex wasn\u2019t a priority because you\u2019re happier that way. But if you are someone who does crave sex and your relationship is suddenly without it, that\u2019s a different story. It is obviously important to note the type of relationship also &#8211; for a couple one of the biggest factors differences from friendship is the physical and sexual aspect.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><b>How Important Is Sex In A Relationship: Why It Goes Wrong&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are many different reasons why couples stop having sex, but there is always a reason. The cause may not necessarily start within the relationship, but it affects it nonetheless. We often write off why we\u2019re not having sex anymore. He\u2019s just really busy with work. She\u2019s been stressed about her promotion. Their sex drives have just not been the same since having kids. But the problem with these excuses is that they are just what we see at face value and they don\u2019t get to the root of the issue.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That\u2019s because the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellsanfrancisco.com\/the-real-scoop-on-why-couples-stop-having-sex\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">roots are usually not very pretty<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. According to Alex Momtchiloff, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he\u2019s found that nearly all of the couples that come to him have the same five reasons for not having sex anymore:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One partner has pulled out of the relationship emotionally<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One partner does not either feel safe or comfortable in sexual situations<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is an unresolved issue between them that is causing distance, usually around trust&nbsp;<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Abuse of drugs or alcohol&nbsp;<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Either a partner is using medication that limits their sex drive or a partners needs medication for sex but is too uncomfortable or embarrassed to do it<\/span><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The common theme in all of these issues is that they need to be addressed. A relationship can\u2019t survive if someone in the relationship has checked out. And, if a partner is too embarrassed to talk about having sexual problems, it speaks to an even deeper question: what is happening in the relationship that one doesn\u2019t believe that they can trust their partner with delicate information like that? What has happened to make them keep issues like this private and feel unable to be vulnerable and honest with their partner?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At the heart of these issues is that, for some reason, the couple stopped communicating and trust broke down. At some point, they no longer shared an intimacy that goes beyond sexual intimacy. Partners may go to a marriage therapist to address sexual intimacy issues, but emotional intimacy is often the true problem. Without emotional intimacy, a real relationship can\u2019t work.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><b>How Important Is Sex In A Relationship: Talk It Through&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re always saying no to sex, there\u2019s likely a reason, even if you don\u2019t know what it is yet. Communication is key. Talking it out with your partner can make you realize that you might have more to say than you think. If you think that not talking it out is sparing your partner some hurt feelings, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.vice.com\/en_us\/article\/59yke5\/why-couples-fight-more-when-theyre-having-less-sex\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">you\u2019d be mistaken<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When we go from having sex to not having sex, our partners have to fill in the blanks themselves. And what they fill in is usually not particularly happy or healthy. Societally speaking, we\u2019ve learned to associate someone declining to have sex with us as them telling us that something is wrong. Maybe it means that they don\u2019t find us attractive anymore or that they don\u2019t like having sex with us at all. When you say no to sex, your partner may believe these things are true &#8211; even if that\u2019s not the case at all!<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is not to say that you can\u2019t or shouldn\u2019t say no to your partner when you don\u2019t feel like having sex. In fact, you absolutely should. As Dr. Momtchiloff pointed out, one of the big reasons a couple stops having sex is because a partner doesn\u2019t feel safe or comfortable having sex. If you\u2019re forcing yourself to have sex for your partner\u2019s sake, you\u2019re likely not in the mood. For men, that may mean that you\u2019re unable to get fully erect. For women, that may mean that you\u2019re not lubricated enough. Either way, the sex that you\u2019d have in that case would be, at best, unsatisfactory, and, at worst, painful. It\u2019s always ok to say no, but speak through the real reasons with your partner rather than leaving them to imagine why, even if that means having a deeper discussion.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><b>And if you\u2019re still wondering how important is sex in a relationship, here\u2019re 5 facts:&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It releases a bonding hormone between you and your partner,<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A healthy sex life builds intimacy and trust in your relationship<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sex boosts your immune system<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The cocktail of feel-good hormones helps you sleep better and lifts your general mood&nbsp;<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It provides an opportunity to demonstrate love, affection and attraction<\/span><\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sex is important in healthy relationships. Here&#8217;s why and how to make it happen. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":156,"featured_media":19550,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[894,997],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healthy-relationships","category-love-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How Important Is Sex In A Relationship? (Hint: Very)<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you&#039;re wondering how important is sex in a relationship, the answer should be very! 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