{"id":4241,"date":"2014-03-20T08:12:11","date_gmt":"2014-03-20T15:12:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/about.zoosk.com\/en\/?p=4241"},"modified":"2021-06-01T00:26:50","modified_gmt":"2021-06-01T07:26:50","slug":"advice-spied-texts-feel-really-guilty-tell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-spied-texts-feel-really-guilty-tell\/","title":{"rendered":"Spying On Your Boyfriend? Here&#8217;s What to Do"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><em>Dear&nbsp;Joan Actually,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><i>First of all, I&#8217;m not a bad person. I went through my boyfriend&#8217;s phone because I want to make sure that he&#8217;s being honest with me. When I looked through I didn&#8217;t find anything. Instead, he had texts to his sister about how great I am. Now, I feel really guilty about invading his privacy. Should I tell him what I did?<\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>-Albany, NY<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The temptation to snoop is harder to resist than movie theater popcorn. When temptation strikes and that high road seems a little too high, get ready to find yourself in a bad place. No judgment. Really. I went off the deep end with phone snooping strategies that could put the NSA to shame. Thankfully, I got over my detective phase, but not before making a total ass of myself. To make sure you don&#8217;t make the same mistakes, I called in the experts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Snooping is pretty common, actually,&#8221; says <a href=\"http:\/\/www.socialwork.vcu.edu\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Virginia Commonwealth University<\/a> Adjunct Instructor Gail D. Moskowitz, MSW, LCSW. &#8220;It might take the form of looking at confidential information, rolling by a partner\u2019s residence, or eavesdropping.&#8221; If you end up rummaging through your partner&#8217;s stuff, don&#8217;t expect to feel great afterwards. &#8220;Most probably feel remorse for snooping but cannot help themselves,&#8221; she says. &#8220;It can become a compulsion.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/blog\/the-attraction-doctor\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Dr. Jeremy Nicholson<\/a>,&nbsp;social and personality psychologist, suggests snooping stems from two causes: &#8220;The partner has specifically done something that appears untrustworthy or the individual has a pattern of feeling insecure and not trusting partners.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Regardless of the cause, you can help yourself out by talking to your partner about your feelings. Tread lightly; bringing up your insecure feelings without blaming your partner can be tricky. &#8220;The best way to bring it up is to focus on the feelings and motivations,&#8221; says Dr.&nbsp;Nicholson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;I felt a little insecure when you came home late the other night and didn&#8217;t call. How can we build more trust in this relationship, so that I don&#8217;t worry?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;I have a hard time opening up and trusting people. You have not done anything wrong. I would just like you to help me feel more secure. Can we talk about it?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Should you fess up about the snooping? Turns out both experts give you a pass, but Ms. Moskowitz adds the following caveat: &#8220;It is important to discuss your struggles, fears, and intuitions with whom you want to foster an honest and emotionally intimate connection.&#8221; Failing to bring up your uncomfortable feelings won&#8217;t make them go away. &#8220;These insecurities and secrets can eat into the core of a relationship,&#8221; she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These conversations are awkward, but they will help you through the hard part&#8211;getting the issue out in the open. The sooner you talk, the sooner you can bury the uncomfortable feelings and start relaxing with your guy and his phone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Snooping is hard to resist but should you confess after? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":12165,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[886,898],"tags":[759,768,783,589],"class_list":["post-4241","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice-women","category-relationship-problems","tag-hetero","tag-joanactually","tag-problems","tag-women"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Spying On Your Boyfriend: Should I Tell Him?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Should you confess to snooping or stay silent? 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