{"id":4495,"date":"2016-01-10T09:03:57","date_gmt":"2016-01-10T17:03:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/about.zoosk.com\/en\/?p=4495"},"modified":"2024-03-20T05:43:28","modified_gmt":"2024-03-20T12:43:28","slug":"advice-help-im-friend-zone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-men\/advice-help-im-friend-zone\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting Out of the Friend Zone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dear Joan Actually<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I definitely blew it. I’ve liked this girl for months, but she sees me as a friend. It\u2019s at the point where she\u2019s telling me about another guy she likes. I did everything I could to be a good dude–I brought her soup when she was sick and helped her get a new job. But, it’s like these things have worked against me. I want to make a move, but I\u2019m not even sure it’s worth is at this point.  How can I get out of this friend zone?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Houston, TX<\/em> <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ahh the friend zone\u2014romantic purgatory for the overly accommodating. It\u2019s where you’ll end up when your romantic interest likes you, but not in a romantic way. Getting friend zoned is frustrating and painful. Despite your best attempts to show your “friend” how well you could fit the role of significant other, your “friend” just doesn’t see it. It’s torture.  It\u2019s also the closest you\u2019ll come to feeling like a neutered animal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s no better expert on\u00a0getting out of the\u00a0friend zone than Psychology Today\u2019s Dr. Jeremy Nicholson. With over 10 years of experience studying dating, relationships, and persuasion, he understands what you\u2019re going through. I took some notes from his playbook to help you ditch the dreaded friend zone in 5 Easy Steps:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) Be Prepared to Walk<\/strong>  \u2013 Your friend zone problem stems from an imbalance; you value someone more than he or she values you. You can’t force someone to value your company, but you can choose to find someone that values you more. “If you’re not getting what you want it’s time to walk,” says Dr. Nicholson. Afterall, he adds, “being ‘needy’ is no way to negotiate.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) Fill Your Calendar \u2013<\/strong> We’ve all heard “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” right? Well, put that saying to the test. Create some space between you and your “friend”. Give this person the opportunity to miss you. “If they truly appreciate you,” adds Dr. Nicholson, “then your absence will make them miss you and want you more.” If, however, your absence has gone unnoticed, it’s time to move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) Entertain Other Options<\/strong> \u2013 Remember, you’re not taken. So, go ahead and meet some new talent. Then, casually bring up the new romantic possibilities to your “friend.” Why would this work? “Because people value the things they might lose,” says Dr. Nicholson. “If you are “busy” with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4) Ask for Favors<\/strong> \u2013 Dr. Nicholson has surprising news: \u201cContrary to popular belief, people like you more when THEY do favors for you, rather than when you do the favor for them.\u201d Apparently, the more \u201cyour friend\u201d invests in you, the more valued you will become. Your days as an errand boy have ended; it\u2019s time for you to relax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5) Appreciate Good Behavior<\/strong> \u2013 When your \u201cfriend\u201d behaves the way you like\u2014affectionately or romantically, for example\u2014show your appreciation and reciprocate. In other words, reward the response you want. \u201cBeing attentive and affectionate, only when your friend does what you like, encourages your friend to continue those behaviors,\u201d says Dr. Nicholson. \u201cAlso, ignoring him or her if he or she behaves badly helps to reduce unwanted behaviors.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Break out of the friend zone and stay out of it for good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":12242,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[885],"tags":[758,764,768,760,756],"class_list":["post-4495","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice-men","tag-eh","tag-expert","tag-joanactually","tag-men","tag-universal-orientation"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGetting Out of the Friend Zone: Help Me!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psychology Today\u2019s Dr. Jeremy Nicholson gives you five great tips that can help as you try getting out of the friend zone.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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