{"id":5312,"date":"2014-06-19T10:03:47","date_gmt":"2014-06-19T17:03:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/about.zoosk.com\/en\/?p=5312"},"modified":"2021-06-01T00:24:52","modified_gmt":"2021-06-01T07:24:52","slug":"advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"I Don’t Want Kids: How Do I Tell My Date?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dear Joan Actually,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t want kids. Having kids doesn’t appeal to me. It never has, and I’ve felt this way for years. It gets complicated because I never know quite when I should share this info with the guys I’m dating. Now that I’m seeing one guy in particular, I feel like I should clear the air. I don’t want to lead him on but, at the same time, it feels presumptuous to tell a guy I started seeing about my long-term family preferences. My question is when\/how do I break the news? I know this definitely a deal breaker for lots of guys, so maybe sooner rather than later? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Omaha, NE<\/em><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Dating will seem even more daunting if you feel like you’re withholding a deal breaker. And, given that kids–your decision to have them or not– are an important life decision, I agree that you’re better off discussing sooner than later. Like most things, it’s easier said than done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Delivering this news is hard for women, because childbearing  is often seen as synonymous with femininity,” says Dr. Gail Saltz<\/a>, psychiatrist and bestselling author. “A departure from this view of femininity can make women feel like something is wrong with them which is not true, of course.” Aside from deeper gender issues, there’s also the obvious reason: “You risk losing your partner if they want kids. It’s not like you can compromise and have half a child.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Timing the conversation correctly can prevent extra heartache. “If you’re looking for a serious relationship, this should be an early question,” says Dr. Saltz. “Once the possibility exists that they are a keeper, you should let them know.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Couch the topic in a conversation about other important life choices such as religion or money management. “These are personal beliefs, not something to be ashamed of or something you should force on your partner,” says Dr. Saltz. “Making sure that you’re on similar pages early on will lower the likelihood of splitting up when the stakes are higher.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There’s a time and a place in your relationship for compromise; your important life decisions shouldn’t be among them. The right partner will understand and look forward to achieving similar life goals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Don\u2019t worry if you don\u2019t want kids, but let him know before it gets serious.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":12240,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[886],"tags":[759,768,589],"class_list":["post-5312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice-women","tag-hetero","tag-joanactually","tag-women"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nI Don't Want Kids: How Do I Tell My Date?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Learn from psychiatrist and best-selling author Dr. Gail Saltz when and how you should tell your date you don't want kids.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I Don't Want Kids: How Do I Tell My Date?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Learn from psychiatrist and best-selling author Dr. Gail Saltz when and how you should tell your date you don't want kids.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-06-19T17:03:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-06-01T07:24:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2014\/06\/23222412\/dating-advice-for-woman-no-kids.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Joan Actually\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Joan Actually\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"I Don't Want Kids: How Do I Tell My Date?","description":"Learn from psychiatrist and best-selling author Dr. Gail Saltz when and how you should tell your date you don't want kids.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"I Don't Want Kids: How Do I Tell My Date?","og_description":"Learn from psychiatrist and best-selling author Dr. Gail Saltz when and how you should tell your date you don't want kids.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_published_time":"2014-06-19T17:03:47+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-06-01T07:24:52+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2014\/06\/23222412\/dating-advice-for-woman-no-kids.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Joan Actually","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Zoosk","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Joan Actually","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/"},"author":{"name":"Joan Actually","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/07aca570fa7c4251ba62c7df4557b695"},"headline":"I Don’t Want Kids: How Do I Tell My Date?","datePublished":"2014-06-19T17:03:47+00:00","dateModified":"2021-06-01T07:24:52+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/"},"wordCount":392,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2014\/06\/23222412\/dating-advice-for-woman-no-kids.jpg","keywords":["hetero","joanactually","women"],"articleSection":["Dating Advice For Women"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/","name":"I Don't Want Kids: How Do I Tell My Date?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2014\/06\/23222412\/dating-advice-for-woman-no-kids.jpg","datePublished":"2014-06-19T17:03:47+00:00","dateModified":"2021-06-01T07:24:52+00:00","description":"Learn from psychiatrist and best-selling author Dr. Gail Saltz when and how you should tell your date you don't want kids.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2014\/06\/23222412\/dating-advice-for-woman-no-kids.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2014\/06\/23222412\/dating-advice-for-woman-no-kids.jpg","width":800,"height":600,"caption":"A woman thinking about how to tell the man she's with that she doesn't want kids."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/advice-how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-dont-want-kids\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Dating Tips","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Dating Tips for Women","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":4,"name":"I Don’t Want Kids: How Do I Tell My Date?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/07aca570fa7c4251ba62c7df4557b695","name":"Joan Actually","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/avatar_user_37_1523047117-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/avatar_user_37_1523047117-96x96.jpg","caption":"Joan Actually"},"description":"Joan is a writer and dating expert.","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/joan\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5312"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5312\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12240"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}