{"id":7726,"date":"2015-04-02T07:40:52","date_gmt":"2015-04-02T14:40:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/about.zoosk.com\/en\/?p=7726"},"modified":"2021-05-31T23:55:42","modified_gmt":"2021-06-01T06:55:42","slug":"dating-mistakes-women-make-in-their-40s","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-women\/dating-mistakes-women-make-in-their-40s\/","title":{"rendered":"Dating Mistakes Women Make in Their 40s"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Just like women in their 20s and 30s, women in their 40s are looking for many different things when it comes to dating. Some are searching for a serious commitment, and they don\u2019t want to waste their time on those who aren\u2019t. Some just want to play the field. Others might be looking for a lighthearted rebound after a difficult relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No matter what the situation, one thing women in their 40s have that women in their 20s and 30s don\u2019t is experience. And that experience, while usually helpful, can also work against them. Here are some common dating mistakes women make in their 40s, and how to avoid them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being Too Needy…Or Not Needy Enough<\/b>
\n<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’re looking for a serious commitment, reaching 40 without a partner might make you feel desperate for a companion. However, no matter how much you desire a mate to grow old with, you can\u2019t let that desperation show. According to Ronnie Ann Ryan, a popular dating coach for women over 40, if you pursue a date too aggressively<\/a>, you\u2019ll make him run. She advises her clients to let their dates make the calls in the beginning, to avoid buying gifts early in the relationship, and to keep the first few dates short and sweet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, for some women the opposite is true. You have \u201cbeen there, done that\u201d so many times that you enter a date with your armor up. Not all people will intuitively understand that it\u2019s because you\u2019re protecting yourself from getting hurt. Instead, they\u2019ll just sense that you seem distant and uninterested. Dating coach Robyn Wahlgast<\/a> says, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to play hard-to-get, because you truly are!\u201d She tells women over 40 that if you\u2019ve imagined a happy future in which you remain single, this attitude makes you more of a challenge to men, and therefore more attractive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dating Too Soon After a Divorce<\/b>
\n<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may be tempting to lick your wounds and hop right into the arms of another man or woman after going through a divorce. After all, what better distraction than a fresh new love? But divorce coach Terri Sloane<\/a> warns against it. Sloane says that women (and men) need to work on conquering their personal demons acquired from a divorce\u2014 whether it\u2019s damaged self-esteem or trust issues\u2014before re-entering the dating scene. \u201cMany women go straight to their girlfriends for advice on dating and relationships when a professional source is needed. An unbiased professional\u2014someone who sees issues objectively\u2014 is a better choice. A coach will tell you the truth about your readiness to date. A well-meaning friend may not be so honest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bonding Over Baggage<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speaking of personal demons, sharing them too early in the relationship is a major no-no. Ryan calls this \u201cpremature baggage bonding,\u201d and she believes it\u2019s the #1 would-be relationship killer for women over 40<\/a>. It\u2019s easy to fall into this trap: perhaps you discover you\u2019re both divorced, and suddenly the conversation shifts into an ex-bashing marathon. Or maybe you both have health issues or are recovering addicts, and once you stumble upon this information, you find yourselves unloading painful memories in an effort to connect. While you might think these deep conversations have bonded you, what you don\u2019t realize is that they ultimately paint an unattractive picture and usually do not lead to healthy relationships. Steer clear of dumping baggage on a new love interest and save the sharing for when the relationship itself deepens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judging Too Quickly<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most women over 40 know what they want and what they don\u2019t want. That can make it easy to walk into a date and rattle off a list of likes and dislikes to get a read on whether you\u2019ll connect with the person across the table. But this approach is less than charming. Instead of putting pressure on your date to fall in line, focus on what makes you stand out. Bring up a funny family story or an interesting tale about some of your travels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But that\u2019s just half the battle. You must also be open to paying attention to the positive qualities of your date. Ryan says<\/a>, \u201cThe purpose of dating isn\u2019t to get a man to like you or make a guy fit your expectations so you can finally say you found someone. Dating is all about discovering whether he has potential to be your guy as you get to know him.\u201d So start slow, stay in the moment, and most of all, have fun!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You might be making one without even knowing it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62,"featured_media":12023,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[886,975],"tags":[589],"class_list":["post-7726","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice-women","category-dating-in-your-40s","tag-women"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDating Mistakes Women Make in Their 40s<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"With experience comes wisdom, but it can also bring with it some baggage. 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