{"id":8177,"date":"2015-05-12T14:37:17","date_gmt":"2015-05-12T21:37:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/about.zoosk.com\/en\/?p=8177"},"modified":"2021-05-31T23:53:17","modified_gmt":"2021-06-01T06:53:17","slug":"things-wish-knew-love-turning-30","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/things-wish-knew-love-turning-30\/","title":{"rendered":"Things I Wish I Knew about Love Before Turning 30"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

They say hindsight is 20\/20\u2014but when you\u2019re in your 20s and looking for love, it can be difficult to see beyond the immediate search for a partner. You might find yourself tripping up on the same mistakes without even realizing you\u2019re doing so. The Date Mix asked several relationship therapists to weigh in on the dating wisdom they wish they had known in their 20s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-awareness is key.<\/strong> \u201cBy age 30, every man should be well practiced in open, honest self-evaluation, and introspection,\u201d said Dr. Fran Walfish<\/a>, Beverly Hills child, family, and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent<\/a><\/em>. Really, her advice applies to both genders: People must be comfortable examining their feelings so as not to repeat mistakes of the past. \u201cSelf-awareness is comforting,\u201d she said, \u201cand leads to a calm state of mind.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

False expectations will get you nowhere.<\/strong> Matchmaker and dating coach Amanda Rose<\/a> has seen her clients approach dating expecting impossible archetypes instead of real people. \u201cYou have to realize that people are not perfect,\u201d she said. \u201cDo not expect a perfect tall dark and handsome man to come sweep you off your feet. True love does not usually work like that. A beautiful love is built on a friendship, forgiveness, common values and life goals.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s your type, and then there\u2019s your tribe.<\/strong> Wendy Newman<\/a>, author of 121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating, Fall in Love, and Live Happily Ever<\/a><\/em>, wishes that she had known that \u201cI could date successfully outside of my type, but not outside of my tribe\u201d\u2014the latter she clarifies as \u201cmen I have resonance with and similar points of view.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t have to put up with someone else\u2019s toxic behavior.<\/strong> \u201cI stayed way too long in a relationship and marriage that was toxic,\u201d Rose shared. \u201cIt literally broke my spirit, and I had to go through a long healing process to get to the beautiful place I am in today.\u201d She encourages men and women to remind themselves of their own strengths, even and especially when they\u2019re being asked to compromise for someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have to be able to cope with disappointments.<\/strong> By age 30, people should know that \u201cwe can’t protect ourselves or prevent life’s disappointments,\u201d Dr. Walfish said \u201cThe best we can do is equip ourselves with coping skills to deal with inevitable letdowns without raging into a furious tantrum or collapsing into depression.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can still love someone even if it doesn\u2019t work out.<\/strong> \u201cI wish I knew I still could have love for those I loved in the past,\u201d Newman said. \u201cI don’t have to kill the love just because the romantic part of our relationship didn’t stand the test of time. I can love, find affinity for and still care about and support all of the people who I have loved in my life.\u201d Often those people who don\u2019t make ideal romantic partners still become family and remain in each others\u2019 lives down the road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re still learning how to flex your relationship muscles.<\/strong> \u201cWe don’t realize that in our 20s we’re establishing our dating and relationship patterns,\u201d said dating and relationships expert Ravid Yosef<\/a>. \u201cWe decide that we’re not ready to settle down, or that we don’t want a serious relationship, and begin dating casually or not at all, which in turn builds horrible dating habits for us that will be very hard to break in our 30s. Suddenly, we don’t know how to be in a relationship. We don’t know how to be vulnerable or let down our guard because we’re so used to behaving in a particular way. I wish I flexed my relationship muscle in my 20s so that when I did<\/em> decide I was ready, it wouldn’t have been so hard to let someone in.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Relationship therapists weigh in on the dating wisdom they wish they had known in their 20s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":72,"featured_media":12061,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,976],"tags":[880,160],"class_list":["post-8177","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-dating-in-your-30s","tag-30s","tag-dating"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nLove and Dating Wisdom for Turning 30<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Zoosk asked several dating and relationship experts to weigh in on the dating wisdom they wish they had known in their 20s.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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