{"id":8193,"date":"2015-07-06T07:23:53","date_gmt":"2015-07-06T14:23:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/about.zoosk.com\/en\/?p=8193"},"modified":"2021-11-12T00:50:15","modified_gmt":"2021-11-12T08:50:15","slug":"break-30s","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/relationship-problems\/break-30s\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Break Up in Your 30s"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By the time you reach your 30s, you may be more realistic about dating than you were a decade earlier. You\u2019ve likely been in several relationships, perhaps some serious partnerships, and you know what you want\u2014and what you don\u2019t want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Relationships can fall apart for any number of reasons, and breaking up in your 30s can be more emotionally fraught than in your 20s, because you have more invested in the relationship. But you can do it! Rachel A. Sussman, relationship counselor and author of The Breakup Bible<\/em><\/a>, shares tips for breaking things off with honesty and care, while remaining proud of yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be honest about the situation.<\/strong> Breakups don\u2019t usually come out of left field. You and your significant other might be fighting better than you\u2019re getting along, or there are major problems concerning finances, your love life, addiction, or trust issues. Because you\u2019re in your 30s, you don\u2019t have several years to wait for things to get better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s nothing wrong with pointing out a problem when you see it, Sussman advises. \u201cIt’s OK before you break up with someone to say, \u2018It looks like things are going in this direction; this is how I\u2019m feeling; let’s talk about what breaking up would actually look like.\u2019\u201d Taking control at the start will help you navigate the difficulty of breaking up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sort out who is responsible for what.<\/strong> Dating someone in your 30s means that your lives might be more intertwined than 20-somethings\u2019. If you live together, you have to figure out who is moving out, or if both of you are. It\u2019s good to settle debts as soon as possible, or decide if ongoing financial support situations will extend beyond the breakup. Determine custody of pets, and figure out upcoming vacations or weddings you might have planned for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have a \u201cparty line\u201d for friends and family.<\/strong> If you\u2019ve become a part of each other\u2019s family\u2014this includes if one person has children from another relationship\u2014or share mutual friends, it\u2019s best to agree on what to say to emotionally invested parties. Sussman recommends a \u201cparty line\u201d that casts the breakup in the best light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do it as your best self.<\/strong> To that end, perhaps the most difficult part is managing your own emotions and not letting yourself give in to bitterness and anger\u2014at least, not to the extent that you burn bridges. \u201cI know it all sounds very mature to have these conversations,\u201d Sussman says, \u201cbut a lot of times, it looks like a couple is going to break up, and they don’t do anything about it. Then one person cheats on the other, and they have a horrendous breakup. Better to do it while things are still good instead of waiting until it devolves and you are your worst self.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take time to grieve.<\/strong> You\u2019re likely not going to emerge from a breakup totally unscathed, so it\u2019s all right to take some \u201cyou\u201d time after you\u2019ve sorted through apartments, pets, vacations, and family. The healthiest response, in fact, would be to allow yourself to experience sadness, anger, and the fear that you won\u2019t meet someone else again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe more pressure you put on yourself that you should be feeling something else, that actually delays the process,\u201d Sussman says. \u201cThere are two things that will get you over a breakup: 1) the passage of time; and 2) doing the good psychological work to figure out why you picked this person, why it didn’t work out, and what part you played in it. That will help you move forward and pick a better partner.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be accountable.<\/strong> It all comes back to being honest about how this relationship doesn\u2019t work out, which includes considering your part in it. \u201cYou have to have accountability,\u201d Sussman says, \u201cbecause if you don’t, you’re going to do the exact same thing. Then you\u2019re just going to have another breakup, and that’s going to be worse.\u201d Part of the grieving process is rebuilding\u2014holding on to that best self that you maintained during the most agonizing parts of the breakup, and bringing those qualities to your search for the one for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tips on how to break up while remaining your best self.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":72,"featured_media":12401,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[983,998,976,973,898],"tags":[764,783],"class_list":["post-8193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-breaking-up","category-break-up","category-dating-in-your-30s","category-moving-on","category-relationship-problems","tag-expert","tag-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Break Up in Your 30s<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When you're in your 30s, a breakup may be more emotionally fraught. 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