{"id":8889,"date":"2015-07-23T07:21:54","date_gmt":"2015-07-23T14:21:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/about.zoosk.com\/en\/?p=8889"},"modified":"2021-11-04T07:59:39","modified_gmt":"2021-11-04T14:59:39","slug":"how-to-handle-your-partners-daunting-sexual-past","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/relationship-problems\/how-to-handle-your-partners-daunting-sexual-past\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Handle Your Partner\u2019s Sexual Past"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>They say that ignorance is bliss, but is that the best approach&nbsp;when it comes to intimate relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Since our past profoundly impacts our present and future, the question to ask is: Does your past have a present impact on your partner or the integrity of the relationship?&nbsp; If the answer is no, there is no need to share the information. If the answer is yes,&nbsp;it&#8217;s time to divulge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If your partner shares&nbsp;and there&#8217;s&nbsp;something in your partner\u2019s sexual past that bothers you, the first thing to do is understand&nbsp;what makes you feel that way, says couples therapist <a href=\"http:\/\/www.drhokemeyer.com\">Dr. Paul Hokemeyer<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If your partner cheated in the past, had a problem with sex addiction, or experimented with fetishes, you may feel&nbsp;emotionally insecure.&nbsp;Having had or currently managing a&nbsp;sexually transmitted disease also holds the potential to negatively impact your physical health, says Hokemeyer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Acceptable behaviors&nbsp;in a person\u2019s sexual past are&nbsp;really up to the individuals in the relationship. Hokemeyer advises to focus on five questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Was anyone physically hurt or put at risk?<\/li><li>Was anyone exploited in the past relationship?<\/li><li>Was anyone emotionally hurt?<\/li><li>Is the behavior inconsistent with your moral standards?<\/li><li>Would you be ashamed to tell your best friend about their history?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If the answer is yes to any of the above, there is a good chance the past will haunt and diminish the quality of the present. Once you\u2019ve sorted through the past, you\u2019ll need to decide&nbsp;how to&nbsp;move forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Communication is key. Stewing over&nbsp;event&#8217;s from your partner&#8217;s past, won\u2019t make the feelings go away. Feeling like you&#8217;ll be asked to engage in behavior that is outside of your comfort zone will produce a lingering anxiety. Talking about it is better than constantly being on guard and hyper vigilant about what they may be up to.&nbsp;\u201cSetting firm, clear, and enforceable boundaries is key,\u201d says Hokemeyer. \u201cIt is important that you define what does and doesn\u2019t work for you, even if it is having a \u201cwe need to talk about it policy\u201d or a \u201cdon\u2019t ask, don\u2019t tell policy\u201d. That means agreeing that unless the past harms the current relationship, there is no need to discuss it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If that doesn\u2019t help, couples therapy is always an option to help maintain and build trust.&nbsp;While we hope that our partner\u2019s past is nothing to worry about, intimacy and a strong, long-lasting relationship is a product of trust that is born of vulnerability. If&nbsp;you have trouble trusting your significant other, you\u2019ll struggle to have an intimate relationship with him or her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Says Hokemeyer:&nbsp; If you disapprove of their past and turn a blind eye towards it, there\u2019s a good chance you\u2019ll never fully trust them or yourself in the relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>They say that ignorance is bliss, but is that the best approach when it comes to intimate relationships?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":12147,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[898],"tags":[783],"class_list":["post-8889","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-problems","tag-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Handle Your Partner\u2019s Daunting Sexual Past<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Honesty is the best policy in relationships. But, how should you handle your partner&#039;s daunting sexual past? We&#039;ve put together a short guide.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/relationship-problems\/how-to-handle-your-partners-daunting-sexual-past\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Handle Your Partner\u2019s Daunting Sexual Past\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Honesty is the best policy in relationships. But, how should you handle your partner&#039;s daunting sexual past? We&#039;ve put together a short guide.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/relationship-problems\/how-to-handle-your-partners-daunting-sexual-past\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-07-23T14:21:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-11-04T14:59:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2015\/07\/23105224\/relationship-problems-dealing-with-sexual-past.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Ashley Papa\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/AshleyMPapa\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Ashley Papa\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Handle Your Partner\u2019s Daunting Sexual Past","description":"Honesty is the best policy in relationships. 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