What does a man really need from a woman he’s dating? It’s not an easy question. In fact, answering such a question requires a thorough understanding of male psychology, human psychology, love, behavioral patterns… the list could go on and on.
“What men want in women and from women is getting more complex by the minute,” said expert Eric Jaffe in Psychology Today. “Men and their motives are evolving.”
As social norms and the way we date and view relationships change, so does what we want. This makes it more important than ever to understand what men really need, not just what they say they need or think they need.
True, there are some men who are good at communicating what they want. But more often than not, men are taught to stay strong, be tough in the face of sadness, and put up a false bravado when grappling with emotions. Because of this, they often don’t think to communicate about what they need in a relationship, or may not even be aware of it.
Though every man is different and the specific things that make them happy vary, there are a few fundamental things that almost every man needs from a woman he’s dating.
Here are the six most important needs from you when you’re in a relationship:
Most men (not all) aren’t always able to share their worries, fears, and frustrations with others. Because of this, they need a woman to open up to, who is kind and understanding enough to be vulnerable with.
Men need women who are good listeners, because when they start talking about something personal or private they get into a type of flow. Interrupting this flow too much might cause a man to shut down. Instead, when a man is opening up about something, offer him feedback if he asks or seems receptive, but for the most part just let him express himself.
Give him the space to be vulnerable by making an effort to be in a good emotional state yourself. If you’re falling apart or always on an emotional roller coaster, he won’t feel comfortable discussing his issues with you. By being there for him when he’s ready to talk and giving him your full attention, you’ll bring a refreshing sense of peace and serenity to his life. I know, it sounds kind of airy-fairy and spiritual but it’s true!
Just to be clear, I’m not saying you should be fake and have a giant grin on your face at all times. (That’s not going to help anyone.) My point here is that you should be a positive presence as much as you can. This makes it easier for him to open up to you.
Men need respect in general but in particular when it comes to dating and relationships. Most men need a woman who appreciates them for who and what they are. Look at what he’s skilled at and passionate about and be encouraging in a genuine way. Don’t pretend to feel a way you don’t just to make a man interested in you.
It’s a little old school, but some men also want to be seen as heroes in a sense. Not like he actually needs to save you, but he wouldn’t mind saving the day once in a while. That means he wants to be someone you look up to or go to for advice. Ask him questions about things you’re genuinely interested in. Ask for his input. Going to the person you care about when you’re struggling with something is part of a healthy relationship and will also make a man feel needed and wanted.
Freedom in a relationship means giving a man space when he needs it, letting him go out with his male friends, encouraging his hobbies, and respecting him as an individual separate from the relationship you share. Giving a man freedom also means that he isn’t your entire life. If you define yourself by the man you’re seeing, there’s a good chance you could scare him away.
Tupac famously raps, “I want to take away your pain and misery but all I need is your faith in me.” Having trust and faith in a man means you think he’s a good person. You know him and aren’t trying to accuse, blame, or attack him. If a man doesn’t feel comfortable with you, he’ll move on to another woman. Trust and have faith in a man unless he gives you a reason not to. Being on the same team, being partners in crime, is at the heart of true love. If you want to give yourself the chance to feel and experience this, learn to let go and trust the person you’re with.
A man doesn’t want a woman who pretends to be one way in order to please him. This can be misinterpreted as you having secret, hidden agenda or can make you seem manipulative when you’re really just trying to make someone happy. Instead of approaching your relationship by asking yourself, “What does this man need from me?” think of it as, “What do I want to give to this man?” Find what you naturally want to give without looking to get anything in return. This is an energy men (and human beings in general) can’t get enough of.
7. Sex & Attraction
It’s no secret that men, and women, need sex. But physical intimacy includes a lot more than just sex including kissing, cuddling, teasing… the whole shebang. Men need women who let them feel sexually open and who aren’t afraid to be intimate or find pleasure. For both men and women, sex is a way to feel connected and deepen your bond. Men need to feel comfortable expressing their true sexual desires without thinking they’ll be judged, shamed, or mocked for them.
Men don’t need big boobs, a tight little rear end, a flat stomach, long hair, or a lot of makeup to be attracted. But they do need to be turned on by the women they’re with. This doesn’t mean you need to always have your hair done just right and your makeup absolutely perfect but you should care about yourself and take care of your appearance.
Trust me. Right now, you have what a man needs. And you’ll find a man who naturally likes you for who you are and how you are. Don’t worry about trying to fit into some mold of what a man needs. Instead, love yourself and know that when the right person comes along it will feel natural.