As a female, posing the question, “What do you consider girlfriend material?” to every man you see can be a daunting task, but that’s exactly what I did for this article.
There were times when I had to remind the feminist monster inside me that this was purely a survey question. There were times when I measured myself against particularly specific responses and panicked the thought that I might be coming up short. There were times when a guy’s answer was so perfect; I cursed the fact that he was already taken. The yo-yo of emotions was exhausting, and then I remembered that it’s really no different than being on the dating scene anyway, pummeling oneself with the question, “What does he want?”
There are no steadfast answers. Every man wants something different, and has his own reasons why. But after two weeks of asking just about every man I came across, there were some very strong themes that arose, which is a good place to start when defining just what “girlfriend material” means.
1. Respect His Interests
After talking to nearly two-dozen men, it was pretty clear: Guys love it when you’re into the same weird stuff they are. They find it comforting that they can enjoy something with you and not just subject you to it. But they also value their freedom, so if you just can’t get into [insert weird hobby here], at the very least, be able to celebrate the fact that it’s their special thing, and let them go nuts. If the tables were turned, you wouldn’t want to be teased for something you feel passionately about, so afford him the same courtesy.
2. Drama Level: Low
A frequent response was, “She can’t be, you know, like, crazy.” After asking for elaborations and examples, I found it to mean that immaturity is a big turn off. If, every time you have a third vodka drink, the night takes a sharp turn south and you’re drunk crying in the bathroom, most men consider it a red flag. Maturity, stability, a good life balance, and surrounding yourself with friends who are similarly-minded feels like something men can count on long term.
3. Be Easy
No, I don’t mean like, in bed. When you start dating a guy, he brings his best to the table, but being “on” all the time is exhausting. Just like us ladies hit a point where we just won’t shave our legs for a guy anymore, they don’t want to pull out all the stops just to keep you entertained. If you can sit around watching movies or just hang in the same room while you’re each doing your own thing, it’s easier for a guy to imagine building a life with you long-term. And guess what, they’re not ignoring you. More than one guy clarified that just you being there makes a boring thing better.
4. Star Wars
Never say it’s stupid. Never, ever, ever. This may be the most important thing I learned.
Overall, I found that what a guy is looking for is simply a genuine connection. It was interesting how difficult it was for most men to put into words what they’re looking for. Many were afraid they’d come off as shallow. Many who were already attached had lists so long and complicated it was clear that there was only one person out there for them, and they had already found her. We all know that feeling when we find someone we just blend well with, and when we do, it’s almost impossible to describe why. Be yourself, be genuine, and you’ll find someone who considers you their perfect brand of girlfriend material.