I miss you. What’s so difficult about saying those three little words? A lot, actually. Knowing how to tell someone you miss them or want to spend more time with them can be a daunting conversation. What if they don’t reciprocate, or they think you’re being needy?
Maybe you’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks and you’d like to move your relationship forward. Maybe you’ve been dating someone for a few months and you sense that you don’t see them as much as you used to. Or maybe you’ve been in a relationship for years and suddenly feel distant from your partner. Many people who want to broach the subject put it off for fear of seeming needy or clingy. But with careful word choice, it is possible to talk about missing someone. Here’s how.
Get in the right headspace.
First thing’s first: Approach the conversation from a positive place. In telling someone that you miss them or want to spend more time with them, you’re actually paying them a huge compliment. If you go into the conversation already thinking that you’re being clingy, they’ll pick up on it and be more likely to perceive you that way.
Be ok with being vulnerable.
Opening yourself up and being vulnerable is no easy task. Kudos for being brave and sharing your needs. Remember, your feelings are valid, so don’t be shy about expressing them.
Know what you’re going to say.
Commit your mantra to memory. This way, you won’t get flustered. I recommend using “I” statements. The “I” statement is the secret to every happy relationship; its simple sentence structure allows you to respectfully express your feelings without putting direct pressure on your partner. So, what should you say exactly?
It’s ok to be direct. In fact, clarity is exactly what you’re going for here; the simpler the better. Saying I love spending time together and I want to do it more or I feel like we’re growing apart and I don’t want that to happen is clear yet succinct. This is your opportunity to tell your partner that you need more from them. If they can’t or don’t want to deliver, you probably don’t want to spend much more time missing them.
Be prepared for any outcome.
As with any relationship conversation, you’re opening the door to a variety of potential responses. Just be prepared for whatever comes your way. Hopefully, your partner will understand, and you’ll take a step forward together and begin to see more of each other. Unfortunately, there’s a chance they won’t feel the same way. Even if you don’t get the reaction you hoped for, just know this: It’s a good thing you asked now, because you don’t want to spend any more time missing somebody who won’t miss you back.
If you miss someone or want to spend more time with them, don’t shy away from your feelings—express them! It’s a nerve-wracking conversation to have, but you’ll be glad you had it. Plus, your partner could be feeling the exact same way. You’ll never know until you make the first move and ask.