When you first start dating someone new, it’s easy to get swept up in the honeymooning. Each moment is new, exciting, and special. But whether you’re taking things slow and falling head over heels, it’s important to make sure you’re both moving at the same pace.
There’s no such thing as the “right” speed for a new relationship. Some couples rush into things and have long, happy relationships; others take it slow and still end up fizzling out. But whatever your speed, you have to be on the same page.
If you’re not sure where you stand in your new relationship, ask yourself these five questions.
1. Do you both initiate conversations?
The most obvious way to tell if you’re moving at the same pace is to compare who initiates texts and phone conversations more often. Sure, some people suck at texting, but if one of you consistently fails to reply, it could be a sign that you’re moving at different speeds.
2. Are you both investing the same amount of time, effort, and interest in seeing each other?
Ask yourself if you’re the only one making compromises. Do you always work around their schedule? Do you always travel to meet them? Do you always put their needs over your own? If one person seems to do all of the heavy lifting of reaching out and suggesting dates, it’s not a good sign. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
3. Do you keep starting and stopping?
It’s one thing to move at a slow pace, but it’s entirely to have a start stop dynamic. Your relationship should always be progressing, whether fast or slow. If a ton of time passes between every date or conversation, the rhythm will likely slow.
4. Are your friends worried?
You know that friend who is always brutally honest about how they feel about your partner, especially at first when the relationship is new? Whether you want to hear it or not, their outside insights and advice are probably right. If they’ve raised any red flags or questions, it may be a sign you’re not moving at the same pace.
5. What does your gut tell you?
If you’re not sure about the direction and speed at which things are heading with someone, that uncertainty may be a sign. Ask your gut and really listen to what it says. If it feels like something is off, there’s a good chance there is.
Moving at the same pace as your partner is important because it means you both want the same things and are happy with the speed at which you’re discovering them. Check in with each other here and there to make sure you’re both on the same page. Otherwise, someone’s feelings might get hurt—and nobody wants that.