Having a best friend of the opposite sex can be an amazing benefit when you’re dating. But what happens when those ‘bestie’ feelings evolve into something a bit more?
When we find a person in our lives who’s trustworthy and we can confide in, we’ll do everything we can to preserve that bond. As adults, there’s an underlying understanding that these relationships aren’t easy to come by and they need to be nurtured.
So what do we do when our gut is telling us to put all of that on the line for something greater than what we already have? Here are some concrete truths you need to know to feel confident that dating your best friend makes perfect sense.
1. Your connection is deeper than you think.
What did it take for you to classify this person as your best friend? Was it a moment of self-disclosure? Did they reveal a side of themselves that made them worthy and reliable in your eyes?
New romantic relationships take many, many months to cultivate a high level of connection and trust. It’s easier to cultivate within friendships, because it strips away the complication of sex. My fiancé and I were able to benefit from this “friends first” exchange. If you have the opportunity to experience it, I highly recommend it.
2. They already know how you date (and who your exes are).
One of the most volatile elements of a new relationship is managing your partner’s expectations. They really have no idea who you are and how you’re ultimately going to treat them. Your best friend already has this insight on you. They’ve also heard about all of your past trysts and what didn’t work.
Some of you may say that spoils the fun in the beginning. But does it? Let me suggest this to you. The ‘honeymoon phase’ ends like a caffeine crash. What if you could stay in those feel-good clouds with your partner for much, much longer? The mutual understanding that you’re both emotionally stable, intelligent, hilarious individuals comes with great advantages to sustain your physical relationship, among other things.
3. The lines of communication are set in stone.
You two already talk about everything. What couple around you who hasn’t already been dating for years have that going for them? Not many. Healthy relationships prevail on a strong foundation of communication. It’s arguably one of the hardest things to sync up and establish with a new partner. You guys are already crushing it in that department as best friends.
4. You both dig each others’ quirks.
There are many things we’re willing to look past at the beginning of a relationship. With your best friend, you’ve embraced that person for everything they are (and not). It’s the purest form of acceptance, namely because you’ve ascribed the word “best” in front of that friendship and they’ve done the same with you.
5. The only unknown variable is sex (and you’ll probably like that).
Think back to the best sex you’ve ever had. There are probably a few common denominators that made it especially great: strong connection, eagerness to explore, and willingness to be vulnerable. Hmm. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s the last known secret your best friend has to reveal to you.
6. The chances for long-term success are high.
Sure, things always have the potential to head south. But let’s be logical for a moment. If a casino was putting odds on the man or woman you’d stay with the longest, your best friend or the attractive stranger sitting at the slot machine, who’d get the better odds? You best friend is the safe bet. And here’s the biggest nonsensical argument to go with the other person: the best friend is too safe of an option. We all love to complicate our love lives by taking a chance on the unknown.
But what’s wrong with safe? In my coaching experience, people tend to conflate safe with boring and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Here are some other words you could pair with safe: familiar, trustworthy, dependable, rock solid… Are you seeing a down-side here?
Don’t think your best friend hasn’t already thought about dating you. It’s the most logical and emotionally-sound decision you could make in choosing a partner. You can always successfully walk it back if you want, but chances are the benefits will keep you both committed to your new-found path.
