I Have No Friends: 4 Reasons It’s Not As Bad as You Think

A guy thinking "I have no friends," while slouching on his couch looking sad.

Maybe you’ve moved to a new town or city, maybe you’re the lone wolf in a group of couples. Or maybe you’re at a place in your life where you want to do you, and are struggling with finding your people. Whatever your situation, when you get home on a Friday night and realize you have no plans, nobody to hang out with, and nobody to call, it can feel pretty sad.

Being friendless can make you want to wallow and think something is wrong with you. But if you can flip the script of your current circumstances, you might find that your solo time can be a rich time for soul-searching.

I should know this. I recently picked up and moved to a new city across the country without knowing a single person. I’m not saying it doesn’t get lonely when you don’t have a friend nearby to lunch with, but I do know that you can definitely grow in ways that you never imagined.

Here are four reasons why not having friends isn’t as bad as you think.

You learn to enjoy your own company.
There are some people who don’t ever spend time alone, and let me tell you, this is a serious disservice to themselves. Without a companion, you’re forced to try new activities alone. Whether it’s a new sport, an excursion, or simply dining alone, learning to enjoy your own company is integral to self-reliance, self-love, and, ultimately, self-confidence. You learn that you don’t need a friend to accompany you to a spinning class, or you don’t have to rely on someone to do the thing that you always wanted to do. By learning to enjoy your own company, you expand your self-awareness and discover that you’re your own best friend.

You learn to validate yourself.
Too often we rely on our friends for their opinions and advice, from our professional choices to who we’re swiping right and left on. We might even become accustomed to needing their validation when it comes to making decisions. Without friends, you learn to rely on your own decision-making skills. You learn to trust your instincts, and understand that you alone are in charge of your life. You feel more empowered by the choices you make, and lean into the accountability of the actions you take.

You risk more. 
Joining new classes, attending a concert alone, or going solo for a hike in the mountains; these are all risks we take when we don’t have a support system around us. Of course we don’t necessarily need to take these risks; we could just stay in our homes, watching Netflix alone. But there’s a life to discover and experience with or without friends, and when you don’t have your safety net at your beck and call, you’ll be surprised to find not only are there a number of opportunities to take advantage of, but you’ll be more interested in taking advantage of them. 

You grow exponentially.
Your growth game is going to level up when you’re spending time solo. You’ll have  time to reflect on where you’re at, and where you want to go. You’ll decide how your current circumstances reflect, or don’t reflect, your life goals. Taking advantage of this time to focus on you and your needs and passions is one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever have. You have the opportunity to create the life you want without distractions or outside opinions. This is when you’ll choose where you want to grow and learn, and how you can be the best person for you, moving forward. Maybe that’s focusing more on your business, career goals, or your personal life, or maybe it’s about your inner personal journey. Everyday is a new day to be the best you.

No doubt we need friendships in our lives. Friends help us develop and grow, and grant us a source of love and support, and fun. But if you’re in the middle of a moment where you’re alone, it’s important to know that you can provide those things for yourself. You can use this time to develop and grow, to become your own source of love and support, and, yes, fun. When we learn we have the power to be our own best friend, then we learn that we’re never really alone. And life suddenly becomes filled with possibilities—including meeting new potential BFFs—once more.

Brianne Hogan

Freelance Writer

Brianne is a Canadian freelance writer who’s been writing about dating and relationships longer than any of her relationships. She applies a “do what I say, not do what I do” approach to her articles, and believes you can find Your Person mostly when you aren’t looking. So enjoy your life, and eat lots of cheese (at least that’s her motto). Her byline’s been featured on Thrillist, The Huffington Post, HelloGiggles, Elle Canada, Flare, Awesomeness TV, among others.

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