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Looking for Love? Here Are 3 Illusions That Can Hold You Back

A man and a woman hugging. Both of them look happy and confident.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, finding and cultivating a loving, romantic relationship can take a lot of your time and energy. It’s easy to believe social pressures that tell us being someone’s partner, lover, or spouse is foundational to personal happiness.

But what if it was the opposite?

What if living as a happy, fulfilled, inspired individual was our center point, and our romantic relationships came as a result, an offshoot, of this state of being?

Let’s explore some of the common misconceptions about love and relationships, that can unknowingly keep us in a state of wanting, needing, and searching when we may already have all we need to lead a happy, fulfilled life.

Illusion #1: I need a partner to be happy.
We all know that blissful state at the beginning of a loving relationship—the one where you’re bursting with energy and relishing all the new feelings of love that come rushing over you. It’s so easy to believe that you can’t possibly be any happier than when you’re in love, but oftentimes those strong feelings distract you from other things you’re feeling.

The longer, lasting truth is that if you’re not happy from the inside out, your relationships will inevitably mirror your inner disharmony. We’ve all heard that before you can love someone else you need to learn to love yourself—so how do we cultivate that love of self?

The quickest way to fall in love with yourself, therefore attracting another who will fall in love with you, is to take responsibility for making yourself happy. Don’t wait to take the trip you’ve always wanted to, make time for your passions and hobbies, and express yourself whenever you get the chance. Do it now. Be it now. Create a life that you love.

When you’re in this state of being—happy and lit up from the inside—your light will attract another who is also focused on chasing their passions. Together, you can live an inspired life.

Illusion #2: My true love will complete me.
It’s tempting to identify with your partner to the extent that their accomplishments or talents make you feel that much more accomplished or talented. You feel like a better person because they’re yours, and being with them feels likes something you’ve accomplished. But, in reality, a relationship isn’t an accomplishment, it’s a state of being.

Oftentimes, the things you desire or admire in another person are things you desire for yourself. Instead of seeing your relationship as something that makes you whole or defines you as a person, pursue those things that bring you joy.

Are you attracted to the outdoorsy type? Create opportunities to get outside and have some wild adventures. Are you attracted to the cultured, well-read type? Buy the tickets, take the class, visit the museum, or read the books that fill you up with what you love.

Illusion #3: I won’t feel alone if I’m in love.
It’s easy to feel separate and alone in the world, but when we meet someone new we think that the romantic relationship will eliminate our loneliness. But you’ve probably felt more lonely while in a relationship that out of one, right? When a relationship doesn’t give us the fulfillment we’re looking for, it can leave us feeling even more empty.

You can free yourself from feeling alone by focusing on the things that light you up from the inside out. Choose activities that tap your sense of being into the bigger world around and within you. Connect to a cause, create a home that is sacred to you, and immerse your imagination in the things that make your heart sing. Be fearless, and create new opportunities to stretch yourself and grow as an individual.

In many ways, we are all artists. Only, the art you create is your life. No one else can create it for you. Live an inspired life, seek out the things that bring you joy, and find happiness within yourself and the things you love. After you’ve learned how to create a fulfilled life for yourself, you’ll being to attract people who are on the same journey.

Whitney Freya is an expert in inspired living, providing practical tools and practices that free your mind from limitations and scarcity to create more in your life that lights you up from the inside out. Learn more at

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