Many of us have friends who are negative, who maybe even identify themselves as pessimists or take pride in the fact that they look at the world and are honest about the fact that it’s not always beautiful. We love these friends, their pessimism is part of their charm and a big part of who they are.
This article is not for them.
Those people should be negative on their online dating profile, because the person they meet will need to appreciate their pessimism as much as their friends do. For the rest of us, those of us who don’t identify ourselves that way, it’s a good idea to double-check our online dating profiles for negativity. Because you’d be surprised how often something you write can come across as negative, and how much it can hurt your ability to attract the type person you’re looking for.
Ready to do a negativity check? Here are two quick things to look out for:
Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want
Sometimes when you’re asked to describe what it is you’re looking for in another person, the first thing that comes to mind is what you’re not looking for. Especially if you’ve just gotten out of a relationship that didn’t work out. But by saying what you don’t want, you may be turning away people who you’d really be interested in.
Think about it: If you put “No drama please!” in your profile doesn’t it sound, well, a little dramatic? If you were looking for a relationship with no drama, would that be the person you’d message? Probably not. But you might message someone that said, “I’m a positive, laid-back person, looking for someone who’s the same.”
Luckily, this kind of negativity is easy to spot and easy to fix. Just take a look at your profile and identify any places you talk about the things you don’t want or don’t like in another person. Then reword it to focus on what you do want instead.
Dating can be hard, but don’t talk about it in your profile
We know. Online dating, and all dating, can be rough and it gets frustrating. It’s tempting to put something about it in your profile, but focusing on how hard it’s been can give the wrong impression.
Steer away from mentioning that you don’t like online dating, that you haven’t had any luck before, or that you’re sick of playing games. Others may feel the same way but it’s not the best first impression. Instead, talk about the things you’re looking forward to and what you hope to get out of the experience.
Dating and life isn’t all sunny perfect days and fluffy white clouds. It’s OK to feel discouraged sometimes or feel frustrated when things don’t work out. There’s a time when opening up about your past relationships with someone is a way to get closer and learn about each other. The first impression you make in your profile isn’t that time.
So do a quick check, make sure you’re representing yourself in a positive light, and you just may be surprised by how a positive profile can help you meet a positive person.