Have you ever been in a romantic relationship where you were literally swept off your feet? If you have, or if you have a friend or relative who has, you know what a wonderful, whirlwind time it can be.
He was Mr. Wonderful. He remembered your favorite color, flowers, and movies. He took you to your favorite restaurants, loved the same music as you did, found ways to buy you gifts and always made you feel special. Sure, there were times when he didn’t like your friends, so you found yourself spending less time with them. There were also times when he did or said something cruel or hurtful, but he immediately apologized and did something special to make up for the slip.
All in all, you felt amazing, beautiful, desirable and like you had found the person of your dreams. While your friends and family were cold towards him, deep down you knew it was because they were jealous and had never experienced a love like you had.
The Narcissist
While there are men who are Mr. Wonderful and Mr. Right, the over-the-top level of treatment during a whirlwind courtship is a sign of someone who is creating an illusion of the perfect partner.
But after a long period of time, it becomes more difficult for the narcissist to maintain the illusion, so there’s often a shorter dating period and a quick proposal. The narcissist sees the partner as a trophy to be won, and for someone with lower self-esteem or without a lot of experience with this type of person, it can be a very good feeling, at least for a while.
However, after their partner is all in, the narcissist no longer needs to maintain the illusion. He’s won the prize, and now the thrill of the hunt is gone. This is when his true behaviors such as insecurity, inability to focus on anyone or anything but himself, and the need to become the dominant person will come out.
Signs of a Narcissist
The signs of a narcissist in the early stages of a relationship are often easy to spot. As explained in my book, The Marriage and Relationship Junkie, the problem is that the person getting into the relationship with the narcissist may not be willing or able to see the changes occurring right before their eyes. Especially if the relationship is already ands serious and committed one.
The most common ways a narcissist will change after the beginning of the relationship are:
Blame.
Everything that goes wrong is your fault, even if the problem has nothing to do with what you’ve done.
Cold and disconnected.
There’s no emotional connection other than what you are to provide him with.
Sudden anger.
Discussions are a minefield and it’s impossible to know what will set off an angry outburst.
You’ re always second.
Your thoughts, plans, ideas, and dreams are no longer important, relevant, meaningful, or valuable.
Keep in mind; a narcissist is not someone who doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. This is someone who has no ability to be in a relationship and cannot sustain a loving, caring, balanced relationship, no matter what you are able to give him.
Working with a therapist is critical. This can help you to get out of the unhealthy and abusive relationship and make positive changes to rebuild your life and emotional well-being.
Sherry Gaba, LCSW is a Certified Transformation and Recovery Coach and the leading Psychotherapist on VH1’s Celebrity Rehab and Sex Addiction. She helps singles navigate the dating process to find the love of their lives. Take her quiz to find out if you’re a love addict, sign up for a 30-minute strategy session, or learn more about how to get over a break up. Sherry maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, and is a sought after online dating and relationship coach. For more information visit www.sherrygaba.com of sign up today for Sherry’s online group coaching program for $19/month https:// wakeuprecovery.com/become-a- member-co/.
