Okay, you’ve eyed each other’s profiles, he had a charming opening line, and things started off great—but you haven’t gotten a first date invitation yet. Before you spiral into that, “Why doesn’t he like me?!” spin cycle we all pretend we haven’t fallen victim to before, let’s work out a few text flirting solutions.
First of all, count your blessings. Next time you’re in text-flirt panic mode, just thank the stars that we’re hashtag blessed enough not to have grown up in a generation where you had to approach someone in a bar and be charming on the spot, all while looking right into the actual person’s eyes as they decide whether or not to reject you. I’m getting sweaty just thinking about it; it’s a wonder that the human race didn’t die off. Whisper a “thank you,” to your parents, take a deep breath, and follow these pointers.
The most important thing is to give the other person an opportunity to further the conversation. Yes or no questions and single word answers are forbidden. Forbidden, I say! Compliments should always be followed up with a question.
That’s a great shirt in your profile pic! Where do you even find a t-shirt with the cast of Cats on it?
There’s a great little thrift shop on Main, I got it there a few years ago!
Oh cool, I’ve never been. Maybe we could check it out sometime 🙂
This will help you avoid the barren, “Haha, thanks,” response and give him a chance to talk about himself without feeling like he’s self-centered.
Just as important as giving a compliment is taking one. If he tells you he likes your blond hair, say thanks, and then mention that you’ve been playing with the idea of changing it up.
Oh really!? Your eyes would really look good with a purple ‘do too…
Is that a dare?
If you’ve mastered the basic idea of flirty banter, but still can’t get a good vibe going, here are some common hiccups and solutions:
Panic moment #1: You’re just not into the same stuff.
If you’re into him, but you’re having trouble connecting, don’t lie about what your interests are, but give him an opportunity to teach you more about what he’s into.
Never met a taxidermist before! I’ll bet you make it look good! How’d you get into it?
I rescued this baby squirrel and when it fell into the pool and I just couldn’t part ways with it.
Aw, that’s sweet though! Think I could handle a Taxidermy lesson?
Panic moment #2: The conversation has died.
Conversational lulls are normal, but if a few hours have passed, and you can’t seem to think of a single thing to say, don’t panic. Often times, we think conversational lulls are an indicator of zero chemistry, but more often it’s just the nerves of trying to make a good impression on someone rearing their ugly head.
Get quirky with your text flirting. You’ve really got nothing to lose, and if sparks fly, this person is going to see your silly side anyway, so why not let it revive a dead moment? Reference all the pointless minutiae you Snapchat to your friends all day, and send him an innocuous observation or describe a funny moment. Sending him a pic of how the coffee barista butchered your name could do the trick.
Panic moment #3: Everything’s great, He’s JUST. NOT. ASKING.
This is your moment to take the wheel. It doesn’t have to be a blatant invitation out to dinner, and I find it’s easiest to take the independent route. If you invite him to join in standing plans you’ve already made, it will feel less like rejection if he declines. Tell him you’re meeting up with a few friends at a bar and ask if he wants to join. If he says yes, casually mention the idea of getting some food together beforehand.
Panic moment #4: You’ve accidentally sent him a screen shot of his own face because you were simultaneously texting your bestie about him.
Good one. Once you’re done screaming expletives, I urge you not to chuck your phone out the window and set yourself on fire. There are ways to remedy the situation.
Solution 1: Immediately follow up with an innocuous observation, and play it off like you meant to send it.
My friend thinks you look like Keanu Reeves from Point Break in this pic. But I don’t see it.
This is a great solution because you’ve flattered him by letting him know you’ve chatted to your friends about him, AND you get to see how he feels about the film Point Break, which may be the greatest movie of all time.
Solution 2: Ask a question. Literally anything.
Is the guy next to you named Dan? He looks familiar.
Nope, lol, that guys name is Pete, he was my roommate in college.
That’s crazy! Do you believe in doppelgangers?
(You can come clean about the fact that there’s no such person named Dan on your 5th wedding anniversary.)
Solution 3: Own it.
I meant to send this to my friend because she asked me if you’re cute. If you think this is charming, then lets move forward and never speak of it again. If you think it’s creepy, best of luck in life, I hope your taxidermy business really soars.
There’s a high chance he’ll laugh it off with you. He’ll be flattered that you’re talking about him, and impressed with your honesty. It could be a blessing in disguise.
If you succeed at text flirting, you’re well on your way to having a sweaty and pained first conversation at a bar just like your parents before you and theirs before them. Thus is the circle of life!