Once a year my friends and I take a trip to Las Vegas—their excuse is that they’re great poker players. I haven’t found a good one yet. We’re pushing 40, we are professionally and intellectually credible, and most of us are married—all things that seriously limit the amount of trouble we can cause. We do possess a collective sense of humor that we put to work to entertain ourselves in Sin City, and on our last trip we put it towards a good cause.
My gambler friends challenged me to walk up to a large bachelorette party in a restaurant and give a toast to the bride-to-be. Having no shame, a confidence level that borders on arrogance, and sufficient levels of alcohol in my bloodstream, I took the challenge.
I have never had to give a maid or matron of honor speech in my life: as a matter of fact, possibly on account of being a man, I haven’t had a chance to be a bridesmaid yet. I soon found myself asking Google for help to no avail: I didn’t like any of the maid of honor toast examples I found, so I decided to come up with my own. I had so much fun conceiving and delivering the toast that I ended up embarrassing myself with different speeches in front of more than one bachelorette party.
I work at Zoosk, a major digital dating company: it turns out that the first of the brides-to-be had met her fiancé on a popular dating app that loosely competes with Zoosk. I refuse to name said competitor, but I will say that it starts with ‘T’ and ends in ‘nder’. (We’re good sports at Zoosk, and we are always happy when people find their significant other, even if it’s not with us.) Below is the speech I gave in her honor, followed by four more maid of honor toast examples that you are free to use to inspire yours. (All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the brides-to-be and because I forgot most of them anyway.)
Five maid of honor speech examples to inspire your toasts:
1. Perfect for a couple that met online.
Every once in a while, just once in a while, two soulmates spot each other across a crowded room, their eyes meet, they feel a spark, and they live happily ever after. In the world of today, it is far more likely for two complete strangers to casually swipe right on each other’s profiles, to exchange a few awkward messages, and to spend much of the first date trying to shake the awkwardness off.
Then they make it past the first date. They begin to realize that there aren’t plenty of fish in the sea: chemistry works its magic as they start to feel the sparks. They are now two soulmates who have spotted each other across a crowded dating app and long for a lifetime of sparks together.
May the chemistry continue for decades to come. Let’s raise our glasses to Phoebe, Mike, dating apps, and a lifetime of sparks!
2. Great for a matron of honor speech.
I’ve been married for several years and I’ve learned that marriage is a journey of growth. As individuals in a couple, it’s normal to have periods when we grow together, and periods when we grow apart. It’s OK to not always grow together—it’s absolutely normal. Love in a marriage is the willingness to still support one another while growing apart because deep down in our heart, here in our gut, we know that the best times are yet to come in this great journey we call life.
Let’s raise our glasses to Rachel, a lifetime of growing together with Ross, and the best times in your lives that are yet to come. Godspeed!
3. Good for a couple that started off as friends.
I’ve recently attended a 30 year wedding anniversary party. Both spouses gave speeches confirming that they loved each other as much as they did on their wedding day. As I listened and thought about those words, I realized that after 30 years of marriage, two spouses should not love each other as much as they did on their wedding day: they should love each other more.
The true test of long lasting happiness in a couple is the ability to grow love for one another. So, Monica, my wish for you and Chandler is that in 10 years, 20 years, 30, 40, 50 years you will love each other more than you do today.
Let’s raise our glasses to Monica and a lifetime of growing love with Chandler!
4. A second-time bride will appreciate this one.
I’ve been married for a while and I know that marriage isn’t easy. Marriage requires advanced love: a love made of passion and romance, but also compromise, understanding, and forgiveness. It’s hard work that can be as frustrating as it is rewarding.
I hope that you will always find ways to support each other, and to routinely further your love for one another. And as you build a family, may you become accomplices in a love where compromise, understanding and forgiveness come naturally.
Let’s raise our glasses to Regina, Ken, and the advanced love that make couples happy.
5. Perfect for a baseball fan.
I’ve noticed over the years that people rarely stop loving each other. Couples fight and break up, but if two people truly loved each other in the first place, they hardly ever fall out of love—even after they split.
The leading cause of breakups is everyday life getting in the way. Everyday life throws a lot of curveballs: time, money, and health often pose unexpected challenges and turn into curveballs that strike couples out.
The good news is that if you truly love and respect each other, and if you keep your eye on the ball, you will easily knock those challenges of everyday life out of the park. Your love will grow, and no pitch will ever be a challenge too great for you and your husband. May you hit a homerun every time life tries to get in the way.
Let’s raise our glasses to Mona, Gunther, and everyday life getting out of the way! Game on!
I was relatively successful, possibly even charming, with the toasts above. There were a few more speeches but, judging from the tepid response, I’d say they are better left in Vegas, where some of my pride and intellectual credibility also rest in pieces.
