unhappy couple in a cafe discussing how to break up with someone you live with

Are you wondering how to break up with someone you live with? Whether your live-in love has cheated, is cold and critical, or just not come through for you, you may reach the point where you need to exit the relationship.  Your days, months and years are irreplaceable. Are you going to continue wasting them in a relationship that just does not work for you? I hope not. 

It’s always best to end a relationship with integrity, aiming for a win-win, and finding a way to have a net gain for both of you.  There is no benefit to holding onto the notion that you are right and he or she is wrong – you’re not gaining anything by holding onto disappointment, blame, anger or guilt.  Those feelings are toxic and will only poison you. And it’s not a future you want for yourself or your ex. So here’s how to break up with someone in a healthy and respectful way. 

How to Break Up with Someone You Live With In A Decent Way 

Be Mature, Respectful and Loving

Here’s what I want you to say to yourself: The relationship was what it was.  You have both learned important lessons, even if all you have learned is to take a stand and protect yourself.  Your partner has also gained valuable life lessons.  

From this appreciative and mature place, meet with your partner, share what you have gained or learned and tell him or her that it’s over. Without blame.  Without anger. With honesty, openness and authenticity. 

Sort Out the Living Arrangements

Begin by organizing the practicalities. Sort out who is going to take over your current dwelling and where the other will live.  Who gets the dog. And how you will be dividing up other household items. 

Do this in as a civil, respectful and loving manner as possible.  There is enough heartbreak in moving apart already and you don’t want to add more by fighting with each other. Be kind and decent, and it will serve to make an already painful process better for both of you. 

 Keep Moving Forward

Don’t get bogged down in repeated arguments or stuck going in a circle.  Move forward with finding a new place to live and creating your new life.  Your time is precious. And unless your partner has had a truly heartfelt change in the areas that were causing the breakup, keep moving forward and untangle things. 

Of course, if your partner is sincere and willing to go to therapy or coaching, you could give it another chance at this point.  But if this is not happening, or you have tried couples counseling and things are still in a bad stalemate, move on.

Untangling is hard and it’s easy to get stuck on false promises and nostalgia. Unless real change has taken place, keep your focus on progress in your own life. 

How To Break Up With Someone You Live With: The Next Step 

Heal From Heartbreak

Ending a relationship is always hard.  Even if you are the one who pulls the plug. But this is the time for you to turn your mind away from your partner and towards yourself.  To self-soothe, live well and become your own beloved.  

Think about how much you have grown, worked on yourself, given to others.  What a well-intentioned, loving and good person you are. (I know you probably had your bitchy moments, but we all do).  Now is the time to validate yourself and focus on how much you truly deserve TLC.

You truly deserve to become stronger from this heartbreaking disappointment.  If your thoughts stray to anger, remember that doing well is the sweetest revenge!

Second, understand this: You can turn the experience of loss around so that it becomes your biggest ally and personal gift.  This is the greatest opportunity to learn to love yourself!  

Here then, are three proven techniques to heal from heartbreak: 

Get moving! 

Exercise has been shown to reduce feelings of loneliness, create uplifting endorphins and reduce depression.  I know you probably don’t feel like it, but get up and start with a few minutes at a time. Assuming your doctor allows it, do a little more and more each day and that awful pain you are feeling will start to lift. 

Watch what you put in your mouth

Don’t punish yourself by overeating, starving yourself or drinking too much.  As is well-documented, these activities will wreak havoc on your brain chemistry. Just as you would take care of a friend going through a painful time, take care of yourself in a healthy and caring way. 

Get Sleep

Sleep is very important in regulating mood but sleep may be very hard to come by.  Consider starting a regular relaxation or meditation program—these have been shown to help people sleep better.  Also, working out will help in the sleep department.

Creating your own bedtime ritual with a long hot bath and quiet activities (no late-night computer work) can be soothing.  Read, listen to restful music or watch something boring on TV that puts you to sleep. Try to go to bed at the same time every night and get into a sleep routine. 

When the Time is Right, Get Back in the Dating Game

Now begin to regroup. Once you have passed through the pain of heartbreak and have taken the steps to heal, it’s time to step back into the dating world. If you find it helpful, there is lots of useful literature available, for example, Love in 90 Days. 

It has dozens of easy-to-follow and proven ways to recover from heartbreak and find a terrific partner.  You can work the program quickly or at your own pace and find someone who is committed to an amazing future with you that is better than ever. 

 So now you know how to break up with someone you live with and the steps in the process.  You have to be willing to step into the unknown and risk losing love, in order to gain it again.  When you face loss and realize you can grow from it, your self-esteem will blossom. Listen to your intuition and the caring, commitment and love you deserve will, in time, come to you. 

Hold these inspiring words by Jennifer Welwood close to your heart:

Willing to experience aloneness,

I discover connection everywhere;

Turning to face my fear,

I meet the warrior who lives within;

Opening to my loss,

I am given unimaginable gifts;

Surrendering into emptiness,

I find fullness without end.

 

 

Dr. Diana Kirschner

PBS Love Expert, Psychologist & Bestselling Author, Dr. Diana Kirschner, has handpicked and trained a team of Love Mentor® coaches who have helped tens of thousands of people to create lasing passionate love. Her bestselling dating book is Love in 90 Days.  For Dr. Diana’s Free MASTERCLASS: The 3 Must-Know Secrets for Getting the Love & Life You Really Want, Click Here.

You can also have an empowering complimentary coaching strategy session by phone or Skype with one of Dr. Diana’s expert coaches at https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach/  Just say “Zoosk sent me” for VIP treatment.