You’re newly single but still licking your wounds. You’ve got to get back out there, but you’re not quite sure where to start. The healing process is full of ups and downs, and there’s no way to know when you’ll be over your ex before you are. Everyone’s process is different. The only thing for sure is that breakups aren’t easy. They’re painful and confusing. But you do have to get out there. That’s part of it.
Here are the five best tips for men fresh out of a breakup.
1. Figure Out What You Want.
Are you looking to date or rebound? There’s a big difference, and you owe it to yourself and your dates to figure it out. Sometimes we think we’re ready to venture back into the ocean when our wounds are still fresh. It’s different for everyone, so don’t shame yourself if it takes longer than you expected. Some relationships are long gone once you the breakup button. Maybe you’ve felt detached from your ex for a while, so you’re ready for someone new. So when you think about dating, ask yourself: do you want casual companionship, or are you looking for something deeper?
2. Check in With Yourself
Don’t gauge your readiness to date based on how hot you are for someone new. Do some real soul-searching before you go back into swipe mode, or even attempt to start dating again. How do you feel? Are you still grieving your ex? Ask yourself the tough questions, but you need to get real. You can’t know what you’re looking for until you know how you’re feeling now. Remember, dating has its own ups and downs, so don’t go dragging yourself or someone into a mess if you’re not sure what you can offer.
3. Know Your Triggers
Breakups thow us hard, even if you’re strong. Be aware of your triggers. It’s common to have an anxiety spike your first time texting someone new. Allow yourself the vulnerability, but figure out what sets you off. It’s really easy to pull our baggage into the present, especially when the breakup is so fresh. Communicate with your dates if you think it’s affecting a new relationship and be sensitive to your needs.
Try to figure out what parts of you need to be healed when it comes to dating, either through a therapy or self-reflection. There is a path forward, and you’ll find it, even sooner, if you’re smart about it.
4. Take Things Slow
New relationships are distance runs not sprints. This tip is particularly good tip for people fresh off a break. Take your time. Date around. Flirt. Don’t insist on taking things to the next level until you’re ready. Have fun! Dating can be an adventure if you let it.
Communication is the backbone of all relationships whether you’re at the beginning stages or years into a marriage. The earlier you begin communicating openly with your dates, the better your connection will be. It’s important for everybody to be on the same page. If you’re looking for something low-key, be upfront about that. When you like someone, take it slow and be open about that, too. There’s no need to rush into something new. The more clarity you bring to dating, the easier it will be for everyone. Plus, it’s just respectful and considerate to let someone know you’re not ready for something serious if they’re looking for something that is.
Ultimately when it comes to dating after a breakup, it’s about listening to your gut and being true to yourself. What are you willing to offer to someone else, and what are you ready to receive in return? As long as you keep making empowered and clear choices with your dating life, in time, you will learn to trust and love again.