International dating expert Hayley Quinn, gives advice on how to meet women in real life to help give you the skills you need to be great at dating women, wherever you meet them.
I know right now you may think that real life is a lot more intimidating than sending a woman you like a message on an online dating site, but I’m going to share with you five easy steps to approach a woman in a non-creepy way. If you want to meet women offline, as well as online, follow along.
When you meet a woman in real life (and online) it can be hard to know if and how you should compliment her before the opportunity is lost. Finding that balance between being respectful to her and having that edge that helps her to feel the ‘spark’ of attraction.
You may think that women are used to meeting men all the time, but the reality for many women is that they feel like they hardly ever meet any men they like. This is why I want to help you learn to put yourself forwards in a way that’s respectful to women while still being outgoing.
By following these five steps on how to approach women in real life, you’ll show a woman that the kind of man she wants to meet exists… and that man is you.
1. Get her attention.
The number one reason why approaching a woman may not work is that you don’t have her full attention before speaking to her. By attention I mean you should have her eye contact. This means she won’t be either a. surprised when you speak to her or b. not listening. If she sees you before you begin speaking to her she’ll be more relaxed and you can also checkout her non-verbal signals (is she holding eye contact with you and smiling?) to see if she seems open to talking to you.
Sometimes you may need to use a gesture or say ‘hey’ to get her to look up. Then I want you to pause and wait for her to fully realize ‘a man is talking to me’ before you continue speaking with her.
I know that this is easier said than done, but I also really want you to concentrate on being as friendly and relaxed as possible. Sometimes to get into the zone listen to music you find motivating, and keep smiling (even if you feel nervous). It will help you to feel relaxed and help her see you as someone she can trust.
2. State the obvious.
If you want to talk to a woman but she’s in the middle of hanging out with a girlfriend/reading a book/working on her laptop, instead of not saying hello at all I want you to let her know that you realize she’s busy. It’s better to show her that you’re considerate of what else is going on for her rather than waiting for a perfect moment (that never comes) to say hi to her. You don’t need to be overly apologetic you can simply say, ‘Hey (pause) I know you’re in the middle of…. But I wanted to say…’
3. Give her a compliment.
Try to avoid compliments that are overly focused on her looks or very generic. Chat up lines like, ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven’ deserve to be banned for life. Also avoid clichés like ‘you have beautiful eyes’ as this may well make her think that you’re just another guy hitting on her. If possible compliment her on HOW she’s doing something, ‘I like how focused you are’ ‘I like how you have this big smile, it looks like you’re having a great conversation…’ and if all else fails keep it low key with an implied compliment like, ‘I just had to come and say hi.’ It’s a classic but a good one!
4. Introduce yourself.
After you’ve paid a compliment, lots of the time she may not expect or know how to continue the conversation. A simple way to signal to her that you want the conversation to keep going is to offer your name. This also builds some trust as she gets to know you on a more personal basis. Say, ‘my name’s John by the way…’ before you expect her to share her name with you. If she doesn’t want to share her name this is a good cue that she’s not open to talking to you and you can simply wish her a good day and leave the conversation.
5. Keep the conversation going.
The best way to do this (and there are lots of ways I can teach you to improve your conversations that I’ll talk to you about in later articles) is to share information about yourself rather than asking her questions. I know this seems counter-intuitive but when it comes to meeting women in real life instead of putting her on the spot with a question it will create more trust with her if you can tell her a few things about yourself whilst inviting her to speak.
E.g. Instead of saying, ‘where are you from?’
Say, ‘I don’t know about you, but I live downtown.’
This will create a more open conversation where she feels more comfortable offering you information because you’ve been open with her.
The steps for how to meet local women in real life may not be what you were expecting; but after working with thousands of men and women as a dating expert, I know that the conversation starters that work best are those that are built on trust and mutual respect.
For more information on my five steps to approach someone, head to www.hayleyquinn.com/approach where I have a free cheatsheet for you.