International dating expert Hayley Quinn, gives advice on how to meet men in real life to help you be proactive, positive, and creative as you jump-start your dating life.
I know a lot of women may be thinking that all the good single guys are extinct, or that men never approach women any more. However, after coaching thousands of guys in love, I can promise you that their reality is very different. If you’re wondering how to meet men in real life, there are five super simple pieces of advice that will help you start more conversations and meet someone great.
Unlike the movies, the majority of guys don’t feel fully comfortable (or at least very good) at meeting women in real life. When they see you they feel put on the spot, unsure of what to say, and worried that they’ll come across as creepy.
The five pointers I’m going to give you are built on the simple idea that men want to meet you—You just need to give them clearer signals and better opportunities. (I’m also totally in favor of you beginning the conversation with a guy too by the way! But I’ll save convincing you on that one for a future post.)
Right now, here are five simple ways you can increase your ability to meet men in real life.
1. Create free time.
I know this may sound obvious, but if you’re guilty of constantly running late and being super busy then it’s unsurprising you’re not meeting anyone. Apart from the fact you’re too busy looking at your phone to even notice if there’s anyone cute around you, men interpret your busyness as being unapproachable. Being rushed means you don’t see opportunities and that men will avoid interrupting you. To change this up, try turning up early to meet a friend and spend fifteen minutes of alone time at a coffee shop/bar/party and notice the difference this makes.
(Also note that most men find approaching one woman difficult enough—You plus two or three friends makes you completely terrifying!)
2. Look unoccupied.
To make this more effective, you have to keep your phone/book/e-reader in your handbag. Even if you’re just scrolling Instagram a man will again interpret this as a ‘she’s busy’ signal and won’t engage. The same goes for wearing headphones. I have had no end of questions from men purely on the topic of how do they start a conversation with a woman when she’s into a Spotify playlist. So it’s time to practice some mindfulness. Phone down. Earbuds out.
3. Become more visible.
Part of the way you can meet more men in real life is by looking like you have some free time on your hands, the other piece of the puzzle is making sure you get his attention. This doesn’t mean that you have to drastically alter your personal style, however it does mean when you walk into a venue that you don’t just immediately duck to hide in the corner of the room until your friend turns up. Instead (bear with me here as I sound a little bit like Jane Austen) I want you to ‘take a turn about the room’ (i.e. walk around). When you do sit down choose somewhere like a bar area where there’s heavy footfall and lots of opportunities for guys to see you. You can also give men a helping hand with their conversation starter by wearing something that’s easy to comment on. It is often a lot easier for him to say that he likes your hat/necklace/sweater rather than he finds you attractive. So it may just be time to dig out that bolder accessory or red beret your mom always told you that you looked nice in and give it a try.
4. Move closer to him.
Let’s be honest, even if you were wearing a t-shirt saying ‘approach me’ some guys still will think you don’t mean them. I know you may say, ‘I only want to date a guy who’s got the courage to approach me.’ But just because a man isn’t approaching you at that moment doesn’t mean that he’s not a great guy. He may in fact be a man who’s so considerate that he doesn’t find the right moment to approach you. To help this guy out, move closer to him. Most men fear crossing a bar to talk to you. (And actively imagine if they did that you might reject them in the worst way.) You can reduce their fear by moving into their physical space. This could be queuing up next to them at the bar or sitting next to them at a yoga class.
5. Give him a clear signal.
Now I’m going to imagine you’re standing a few feet away from a cute guy. To complete your clear signals checklist to encourage him to approach you, I want you to focus on making eye contact with him and smiling. I know this sounds easy, but I’ve also worked with many women whose first response when they see a guy they like is to look at their feet. Some eye contact (look at him, look away, look back) and smiling shows that you’re open to being spoken to and enhances your approachability.
Now I would also love you to go one further and learn the skills to say hi yourself. Catch my free cheatsheet on speaking to men in real life at www.hayleyquinn.com/reallife so you can learn some tried and tested conversation starters.
Sometimes finding a great guy can feel like a marathon but if you can stay positive, proactive, and open to all the different ways of meeting men in real life the journey becomes a lot more fun.