lady and man outside drinking wine with her trying to figure out how to tell if a guy is into you

With the many modes of communication available today, you’d think how to tell if a guy is into you would be easier. You’d hope he could snap or text or tweet or watch your IG story and you’d just know, but it still remains that the male species can be hard to read. 

Beyond all of the ways to communicate (where little communication can actually take place), there can be that whole problem of us filling in the gaps. 

Let’s say a guy you like offers to drive you and your roommate to the airport, you might think,  “oh, he totally likes me! He’s making sure we don’t have to get an Uber!” Only to realize later that he was actually looking to hang out with your roommate. It’s happened to all of us ladies, and it blows. 

But guys aren’t as difficult to decipher as you might think. You might just need to quit overthinking it. 

You may have been raised on romantic comedies and think that the only way to really know a guy is into you is if he does a grand gesture. He sends you a dozen roses with a note that says, “I love you. Let’s run away together,” or he choreographs a flash mob that ends with him kneeling to propose. If you’re only looking for grand gestures, you might miss his more subtle signals altogether. 

But don’t fear. Here’re the tried and true signs to look for that the guy who’s caught your eye has you in his sights too.

How to Tell If a Guy is Into You: 5 Ways to Spot It 

  • He leans toward you

The next time you’re out somewhere with this gent, look at his feet. Weird, I know, but ask yourself, are his feet pointed at you? Sounds weird, but when we are interested in someone, we point our bodies at them. We lean forward to make sure we hear them. We don’t cross our arms. We maintain eye contact. We also may even mirror them: when they cross their legs or shift their body weight, we may too. 

Pay attention. If his body ain’t pointing at you, sadly his heart probably isn’t either. 

  • He gets nervous around you 

Is he flubbing his words? Is he spilling his drink or tripping over himself? Is he talking so fast he’s not even taking the time to catch his breath? Is he extolling all of his endless virtues and slipping how much money he got with his recent raise? Don’t automatically take it that you’re speaking to a self-absorbed dork who can’t seem to keep his balance on a flat surface.

If a dude is into you, he may feel and act just as nervous as you in the same situation. Realize that he may not be a total weirdo who can’t keep his balance on a flat floor. Realize that you may have knocked him off his feet and he’s trying to sweep you off yours. 

  • He gives you a lot of attention

If he’s pointing his feet at you, it’s likely he’s going out of his way to chat with you wherever you are too. He might be texting you asking you about your day or asking you questions about your job, your dog, and even your mother. 

If he’s interested, he’s going to want to know about you. It might come off as an interrogation sometimes, but know that he’s actually wanting to really know you. He may also be regularly checking in just to make sure he keeps showing up in your mind, and your inbox. 

  • He’s touching you

His leg casually brushes yours under the dinner table. He puts his hand on your back when walking somewhere with you. He touches your arm while he’s laughing or to emphasize a point. 

A dude that isn’t into you isn’t going to be making excuses to touch you. He’ll actually be trying not to give that impression to you at all by making sure not to touch you at all. 

  • He includes you in on his plans 

Whether it’s with his buddies or for an after-work gathering, he lets you know. He’s letting you know because he’s hoping you’ll show up. He wants you there. Don’t take it as him friend-zoning you or just because he sees you as a buddy. He wouldn’t tell you about those plans if he didn’t want you included on them. 

Take it as a huge compliment if he invites you out with his friends. That’s a big deal.

Yes, men can be like an entirely different species sometimes. You may be yelling at them in our head, “WHY can’t you just say how you feel??”. But while you try to figure out how to tell if a guy is into you,  the answer may, really, be right in front of you. 

Don’t get caught up in the fallacy of grand gestures. You might get those every once in a while, or after you’ve been dating someone for a while, the real tell is actually in the subtlety.

Tara Mae Mulroy

Tara Mae Mulroy is a freelance writer and blogger who focuses on relationships. She is also the author of the full-length poetry collection, Swallow, and other writing found on her website.