After the first few days/weeks/months of a new relationship, you may be wondering is this guy serious about me? Sometimes, if you’ve been spending a lot of time together it feels like you’re on the same page but that may not always be the case. So how do you know if the guy you’re developing feelings for is as excited about a future with you as you are with him?
Here are ten tell-tale signs that he’s NOT interested in anything long-term.
1. You still haven’t met his friends.
A guy that is serious about a relationship with you shouldn’t make you feel like his secret. Sometimes it can take a while before he brings you into his social circle, but if he goes out of his way NOT to bring you around his friends, then it’s time to ask why. “A man who can really envision a future with you will want to integrate you into all parts of his life,” says relationship writer and speaker James Michael Sama.
2. He calls you crazy or too emotional.
Whether it’s something he did, you did, or it was just a bad day, if you express emotions and instead of consoling or listening to you, he criticizes you, then he’s not in it for the long haul. “Some guys can take your emotional expressions too personally. If he makes you feel worse and not better, then he is not mature enough,” says relationship expert and author, Mastin Kipp.
3. He makes his mother (or another woman) the number one female.
We love a guy who loves his mother, but if he’s making her (or his sister, female friend… etc.) more important than you, stop the presses. “Make sure you are number one in his life and the relationship. He must be able to prioritize you as the most important feminine presence in his life,” says Kipp.
4. He looks single on social media. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is.
Many men (and women) won’t post pictures of the person they’re dating for the specific reason that they don’t want to look like they’re in a relationship. If after several months and hundreds of selfies together he still only has pictures of him and his buddies on Facebook and Instagram, proceed with caution. A guy that is serious about you will make sure the real, and virtual, world know it.
5. He never brings up the future.
Does he talk and commit to future plans, whether they’re tomorrow or five months from now? A guy that is serious about you won’t be playing you or wasting either of your time because he knows what he wants. “If you’re hearing ‘too busy’ too often, that’s a sign he isn’t serious. In fact, if he is hesitant about committing to something further down the road, he is probably hesitant about committing to the entire relationship,” says Sama.
6. He breaks promises and commitments.
These can be as big as not going to your friend’s wedding with you after he promised he would, or small commitments like, not calling when he said he would. “Don’t pay attention to what he says, pay attention to what he does,” says Kipp. “His words and actions must be congruent.” If your guy can’t even show up when he says he will, you can bet he’s not ready to commit to decades of life and love with you.
7. He avoids PDA like the plague.
Some people aren’t comfortable with public displays of affection. But pay attention to whether he makes it look like he’s still single even when he’s out with you. Does he want people to think you’re his sister, cousin, or friend? Is he checking out other girls, or even talking to them, while he’s with you? Because, remember, a guy that is proud to be with you will want the world to know it.
8. He’s competitive, not supportive.
A relationship is essentially a two person team; you and your partner work together to build each other up. If he belittles your dreams, tries to one-up you, or takes passive aggressive digs, that’s a red flag. “His job is to cherish and support you. If he is deflecting your feelings with snarky humor or insults, he’s not ready to be in a long term relationship,” says Kipp.
9. He knows nothing about you.
Because he’s too busy talking about himself and his wants, to ask you questions and listen to your desires. If you feel like a mystery novel that he has no intentions of reading—or even skimming, know that he’ll likely never take an interest in you as a person.
10. Your intuition says he isn’t.
“Probably the first thing you have to look at isn’t his actions, but what your intuition is telling you.” says Kipp. “It’s about having a high standard and trusting yourself because the number one quality that determines a good relationship is who you are selecting.”
In the end, if you feel like something is missing, and you find yourself asking is he serious about me more often then you’d care to admit, then something is probably wrong. Look for these extra signs and if you don’t think he’s serious about you, it’s time to call him on it or walk away.