Texting has become a part of every day life, so much so that people rarely jump on the phone anymore—especially at the beginning of a relationship. But a lot can get lost in translation when you’re writing things out vs. talking in person and there are a lot of texting mistakes that are easy to make in the heat of the moment. Luckily, Project Everlasting author Mat Boggs has helpful insight into texting a guy to share with us. Check out his video to learn about the things you may be doing without knowing it.
Hey, my name is Mat Boggs. I’m the author of Project Everlasting and am a dating and relationship coach. I’ve been featured on the Today Show, CNN, Headline News, and the Hallmark Channel. And we recently recorded a video on how to text. Because as you know, texting can be extremely frustrating, it can be confusing, and it can build up anxiety around you know, what do I respond, how do I text back. And so, we created a video on the secrets to texting that got a ton of views. And so I wanted to share it with you, to help you in your love life.
So here it is—the 5 secrets for texting a guy you like. Check it out:
Secret #1: Avoid the vomit text.
This comes down to knowing when to send texts. Like what kind of texts to send guys. Don’t send the vomit text, which is where you text your entire day, an entire conversation, in one text. Often times women will text their entire day in one text. And look, if a guy has to scroll you’re saying way too much.
The purpose of texting, especially when it comes to guys, is playfulness and planning. And here’s what I mean… Is it playful? Is it banter? Does it add fun, joy, or laughter to his day? Or is it planning logistics? Where are we meeting? When are we meeting?
That’s it. It’s not for long drawn-out conversations that he has to scroll through to read. That will be a turn-off. Playfulness and planning, bingo.
Secret #2: Avoid the machine gun text.
You know the text where you send one question after another, not allowing him time to respond?
When you’re barraging a guy with a bunch of texts and he hasn’t answered you back yet, give him some space; give him some time to text you back. Texting should be kind of like ping-pong. You want your conversation with him to be interactive; you want it to go back and forth. When you start machine gun texting him, he doesn’t have time to text you back and it gets completely overwhelming and turns him off. Phew. All right.
Secret #3: Avoid text fighting.
Now I know that text fighting isn’t something that you’d intentionally actually do, but it happens way too often in relationships. Couples will actally fight over the text message. In order to reach reconciliation to solve the fight, you can’t do it over text. You actually need to get on the phone and talk. But when fighting over text, it causes both of you to not actually want to talk to each other, and especially the guy. So, it can look something like this…
I can’t believe you didn’t call me back last night. You are so insensitive. All you think about is yourself. You are probably out with your friends again. You need to be a man and keep your promises. I can’t believe I’m putting up with you. CALL ME NOW!!!!
Look, receiving a text like this, even if you received a text like this, this is like someone holding up a bear trap, and saying, “Hey come here, you. Yeah, you. Come here. Put your face in there.” You’d be like NO, I am not putting my face in there. No, I am not calling you now, until you calm down. So, the best thing to do if you’re upset with him and you want to talk to him is to not send him a text fight threatening him, telling him to call you now.
Instead simply say, “Hey, would love to chat with you. Call me when you’re available.” He gets that text, he knows something is up, he know he screwed up, but at least he know that there is an opening to have a conversation to solve the problem.
Secret #4: Add value to his life.
In other words, avoid being a vamp. A vamp is someone who sucks the energy right out of you. If he texts you saying, “Hey, how are you doing?” Do not text him back and say, “I’m so bored. What are you doing?” That’s like, people who do that are looking for someone else to entertain them, they’re looking for someone else to add value to their life. It’s like hey, let me plug into your life and suck the life right out of you. These people become a drain and they are no fun to be around. Instead, you want to be the person who adds value to his life. You add light, and love, and laughter to his life. So if he sends you a text saying, “What are you doing?” Even if you are bored at work, send him a funny picture back that says I am kind of feeling like this. Send him a funny gif that roots him on and cheers him on, that adds value to his life.
Secret #5: Avoid the unworthy “just.”
What does this mean? It means avoid starting your sentences with the word, “just.” Now I know this is a little bit picky almost and a little bit nuanced. However, it’s going to help you in your communication because when you start a sentence with the word “just,” it has an apologetic tone. It’s low-value, it sort of reeks of this unworthiness energy. Just checking in to see how you’re doing? Just wondering if you got my text last night? Just hoping we could get together soon. Maybe. Possibly. Hopefully.
It’s just, it screams unworthiness. Move from unworthiness to confidence and certainty. Put some certainty into your texts. Ask him confident questions like, “Want to do something fun?” Or give him a suggestion, “Hey, we’re going to the beach with our friends. You should come.” These are great confident texts that you can send him.
So there you have it, 5 secrets for texting a guy you like. And to serve you in your love life, if you want to go deeper in this, we have written a texting guide for you. It is a fantastic e-book and it’s free! It’s a gift from me to you, I’ve posted a link right here in the description. You can go and click that link. Get that free texting guide. It will really serve you in your love life.
And, if you want more videos about dating and relationships, if you want to understand in greater ways how to manifest your man, I’ve got a ton of great videos for you over at our YouTube channel. I’m going to put a link in the description here as well to that.
So, I am wishing you all the best in your love life. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll see you soon.