8 Things to Be Ready for on the Fourth Date

A couple riding bikes together on their fourth date, laughing and having a conversation while they look at the view.

In case you didn’t know it, date number four is kind of a big deal. You’ve probably been dating for a few weeks at this point, and you’ve had the chance to get to know each other on a deeper level, and you might even be thinking about making things exclusive.

Here are just a few things you should be ready for by date number four:

1. A fun date!
If you’ve made it to date number four, you guys should be over the initial awkwardness and having a great time. If you’re not, you need to stop and question why you’re still spending time together.

So by now, you should both be on the same page when it comes to what a fun date means for the both of you—because it’s different for everyone, and if it’s not the same for you both, that spells trouble ahead.

This date should be more about what your interests and likes are, and it could also be centered on what the two of you have been talking about on the previous dates. That might be a band you both want to see, or a restaurant you want to try—a special date made for just the two of you. And it should involve less planning, and feel more natural by this stage. You’re not so much on a date, you’re dating. There’s a difference.

2. Feeling comfortable around each other.
If you’re still feeling awkward or nervous, or you’re unsure how you feel about this person or vice versa, it’s a bad sign by date four. This person should feel like an old friend by now, and all the nervous energy should have evaporated. You should feel comfortable around each other, and there should be less formality than there was at the beginning.

3. Being open.
Have you opened yourself up, and brought that wall down a little? Have you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, or shared something personal with this person? If not, try to be more open on the fourth date. If you’re comfortable with them, it shouldn’t be too difficult. If it is, ask yourself why that might be.

It’s vital you’re both willing to be open with each other if this is going to work in the long run, so don’t ignore this and hope it goes away

4. Defining what you guys are.
You might not have defined your relationship just yet, and that’s okay. But it’s perfectly normal to want an update on where you stand by date number four. If things seem to be going well, this conversation shouldn’t be a difficult one. Tell this person how you’re enjoying spending time with them and where things are going, and ask them to share how they’re feeling.

You don’t need to make things official by this point, but if he (or she) still hasn’t given you any kind of indication of what they want or where this is heading, you might need to get yourself out of this sooner than later.

5. Asking and fielding deeper questions.
By this point, you’re way past the generic first date questions. You want to start getting to know things about your date that most people don’t know, and discover if you’re compatible. The key here is to ask the right questions, without making them feel uncomfortable in any way.

If you still feel like you don’t know much about this person, make this date about them. Ask them loads of questions, and get ready to listen and respond. Show interest in their interests, and aim to understand them if you don’t.

There should also be a real flow to your conversations by now, with both of you happily chatting away, and not thinking about what to say to fill the gaps.

6. Mentioning exes.
This might be the date where the topic of exes comes up, and it’s definitely okay to broach the subject by this point. You might ask a few light-hearted questions, such as “what kind of person would let you get away?”—which compliments them, while also leading to a discussion. You need to pay attention to how they then speak about their ex.

7. Figuring out each other’s lifestyles.
This is when you’ll start to see who you both are, and the lifestyles you both lead, and whether they’re compatible or not. For example, is one of you married to your job, and the other is very focused on maintaining a healthy work/life balance? Is one of you addicted to going to the gym, while the other likes to sit in front of the TV? Does one of you love to travel and live in new places, while the other enjoys the comfort of home and staying in the town they grew up in?

It’s really important you start looking at these differences and similarities, because if your lives look totally different, they’re not going to gel well together.

8. If you haven’t done it yet, chances are one of your is thinking about it.
And by it, I of course mean sex. This is different for every couple, because different people take different amounts of time to get to a place where they want to take the relationship to the next level of intimacy.

No matter what you’re feeling, don’t ever pressure your date for sex, or expect it just because things have been heating up on the past few dates. If you’re ready but you’re not sure they are, let them know you’re not just in this for sex, and you’re happy waiting until they’re ready. You’ll help them feel at ease and in control this way.

The fourth date is a great time. You’re comfortable, you know each other, but you still have so much more to discover. You’re right on the edge of finding out if this new person is someone you’re going to be seeing much more of. Enjoy it!

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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