Could Going on Fewer Dates Help You Find The One?

A gay couple touching noses and laughing after they met by going on fewer, but better, dates.

We all tell ourselves it’s important to go on as many dates as we can—after all, it’s how you put yourself out there and start meeting people. But dating is time-consuming, and going on fewer dates might actually be better for your love life.

The truth is, there’s a happy medium. If you’re going on dates three or four times a week, cutting back could have a significant impact on the quality of your dates. Remember, it’s good to be selfish, but selective about who you date. Your time is important so you need to make every minute, and every date, count.

If you find yourself going on a lot of first dates but not finding anyone you’d like to see a second time, here are three quick and easy tips to for going on fewer, but better, dates:

Remember the Obvious: Quality Over Quantity!
Because of the way a lot of dating apps work, it’s implied that we should be swiping right and left for dates—you need to keep looking if you want to get the next new match, or get a lead on someone you can actually meet up with in real life. Because of this, we often don’t fully invest in the last date we went on before we start to spend time and energy on lining up another date. Don’t let this happen to you. Slow it down and remember to give the person you’re currently with a chance before you move on to someone else. You want to spend quality time with quality people, and not go on dates just for the sake of it.

Exchange Text Messages Before Meeting in Person
Ok, let’s say you match with someone on a dating app and exchange numbers. Now you have the opportunity to meet them in person, but why not see how they respond to your text messages first? It’s a good way to see if their profile matches their personality, and texting beforehand can make your connection much stronger by the time you meet in person. Texting is a step forward from chatting on a dating app and will set up the way you communicate with each other should you end up dating for a while.

Try (GASP!) Actually Talking on the Phone
So many people think you have to go on a date to find chemistry. Why not talk on the phone or even FaceTime with someone first? You don’t have to go on a date every week to know if you can click with someone, but a phone call will tell you a lot more than you think. I know this may make you feel uncomfortable—it made me feel uncomfortable when I first tried it—but talking on the phone connects you with someone in a way that’s more intimate than just texting. Talking on the phone, even if it’s a 5-minute conversation on FaceTime, can leave a stronger impression and help build more chemistry.

Although we live in a fast-paced world where we’re always looking for the next big thing, when it comes to dating it pays to slow things down. So give the people you’re interested in your attention—If you don’t, you could be moving on to the next big thing and leaving someone really great behind.

Joe Palermo

Writer and Dating Expert

Joe is a writer and dating expert based in San Francisco, California.

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