Online Dating Message: Help Me Write My First Message!

A man writing his first online dating message to a woman.

Dear Joan Actually,

I’ve been online dating for a few weeks, and I’ve sent out tons of messages to girls I’m interested in, but I haven’t been getting any responses back. I don’t know if it’s me or just the way online dating works. Is this normal? What do I say?

-Fresno, CA

When it comes to an online dating message, you’re not going to get a response every time no matter what you do, so don’t take it personally. Remember, making a move is half the battleand you’re doing thatso now it’s time to fine tune your methodology to increase the likelihood of getting not only a response, but an actual date.

To write better messages, consider these three things:

1. A one size fits all approach is NOT going to work.

Women know when you’re sending out the same canned message, and they don’t want that. You’re going to have to pick out a few details from her profile and craft a tailored message around the information that makes her unique.

2. Keep it brief and include a question.

Shoot for a 3-5 sentence message that includes a question about something she wrote. So, she likes live music. Ask about her favorite venue. You should also share details about yourself to establish some common ground and get a conversation going.

 3. Do NOT come on too strong.

Giving her generic compliments or alluding to sexy stuff is going to get you deleted. Not sure if you’re going to far? Ask yourself, ‘Would I want my sister getting a message like this?’ If the answer is ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘no’, then it’s time to come up with something new.


Joan Actually

Dating Expert

Joan is a writer and dating expert.

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