For a relationship to be healthy and long-lasting, it has to move at the right pace. There are no set rules that determine how fast a relationship should move because there are a lot factors like, age, background, and experiences that change what a healthy pace for you and the person you’re with is. There are, however, clear signs that a relationship is moving too fast.
If you’re experiencing any of these 8 signs you might want to slow things down.
1. You have a lot of each other’s personal items.
This is one of the most classic signs—one day you open up your medicine cabinet and find your new partner’s toothbrush, razors, deodorant, and female products staring you in the face. This can be a good thing if you’re ready for it, but if this makes you uncomfortable, it may be time to have the conversation about slowing things down.
2. You’re meeting parents and family right away.
This is a right of passage in a relationship that usually means the relationship is very serious. It’s an important (and sometimes stressful) step in a relationship so if you’re meeting someone’s parents after just a couple weeks, something is certainly off. What’s next? Buying a house together? Time to slow it down.
3. You know nothing.
If you’re ready to ditch your friends, your life, and give this new person your whole world despite the fact that you still don’t even know where they’re from or what they specifically do for work… Phew, then it may be time to take a breath. Make sure you’re enjoying the early parts of a relationship and are getting to know the person you’re with, before you commit yourself too much. Take time to have conversations and learn about each other.
3. You look like you’ve been together forever… according to social media.
You met on Monday and by the end of the week, your Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat are inundated with photos of the two of you. One of you may have already updated your social medial status as “in a relationship” and then you’re left with comments from your BFFs such as, “I didn’t even know you were seeing someone!”
4. You’re moving in together
This is another huge milestone in any relationship and it’s a decision that takes thought and conversation. But if you’re having more conversations about moving in together than you are about learning about each other’s likes and dislikes, things are moving way too fast.
5. You’re saying the ‘L’ word.
This is not a word that should get thrown around willy-nilly. Using the word “Love” in any context when talking about a relationship when it’s just started can set you up for heartbreak later on. (Especially because we often confuse infatuation and lust for love in the beginning of relationships.) Be cautious when saying “I love you” or “I’m in love with you”, unless you know you really mean it.
6. You’re talking about marriage and children.
You haven’t even gone on a real date yet and you’re texting each other about your ideal wedding and how many children you want to have and the best places to live for the best schools. Instead of worrying about wedding bells and rug rats, make sure you can go on a romantic date together, survive your first fight, or laugh at the same jokes. It’s fun to think about the future, but don’t forget to enjoy the moment you’re in either.
7. Everything revolves around sex
The lust kicked in on day one and now, three weeks later, you find that sex is all you ever do. You haven’t even been on a real date, yet you just find yourselves at each others’ places always getting intimate. Sex is something that should be given to a new partner slowly as you build trust and respect. You might think that the relationship is moving along at a good pace, but you’re really just FWB and not progressing at all.
8. Your friends, responsibilities, and hobbies don’t matter.
It’s normal that when relationships progress into marriage then to families, we don’t keep in touch with old friends as much, our responsibilities change, or we lose interest and time for some of our hobbies. But if you’re three weeks into a new relationship and you haven’t seen your friends or been to yoga, then your relationship is moving too fast to keep up with your life.
It’s great to get excited about a new relationship and dedicate yourself to it, but it’s not great to lose yourself in it. (Not completely anyway.) If you feel like your relationship is moving forward at a pace you’re not comfortable with, or if you find yourself wondering what happened to your old self and your old life, take the time to step back and slow things down. It may end up making your relationship stronger in the long-run, and it will definitely make you stronger.