The cover of the book Smitten - The Way of the Brilliant Flirt

Looking forward to meeting your favorite match for dinner and drinks? Dazzle him with your confidence and self awareness. Although you have everything you need to make the best impression, the authors of Smitten: The Way of the Brilliant Flirt, have 3 Secrets that will help you make the most memorable first date imaginable.

1) Be Decisive and Upstanding

Whenever we ask our male cohorts what they think the sexiest attribute in a woman is, they always say the same thing—confidence. Let your confidence show by conveying what you want. Don’t expect the man to make all the date decisions, saying “I don’t know” when you really do. Don’t try squeezing yourself into an agreeable ball of mush. Agreeable balls of mush don’t make solid first impressions. Stand out by carrying yourself with confidence—this means making clear decisions and behaving with integrity.

If you want to make him truly smitten with you, show your confidence by suggesting a great sushi spot, looking him in the eye as he picks up the check, assertively going in for a smooch, or sending a sweet thank-you text in the morning. Remember, do this regardless of whether your date responds in kind. Always uphold your social standards of grace and integrity.

2) Be Completely Present with Him

Get to know the real live three-dimensional man in front of you. Don’t let yourself obsess about whether or not he likes you. Instead, focus on him. If you want to leave a lasting impression, earnestly connect with your date. When you look at him, don’t just superficially evaluate him for his breeder-potential, really see him.

When beginning to converse, stay away from the usual topics. Instead, ask a quirky question to inspire a personal response. When he answers, really listen to the nuances of the response instead of just giggling and agreeing. Don’t just spend the evening evaluating how he measures up to your needs, beliefs, hopes, and wishes.

3) Express your Enthusiasm

Step it up a notch by not just showing your enthusiasm for the environment, but also your excitement for him. So many women tell us they are fearful of doing this because they want to seem “cool” and “unaffected”. Boring. To be able to say “I’m having so much fun on this date, I’m so glad we met” or “You’re so uniquely intelligent – it’s really attractive,” takes courage and shows real confidence. You’re not waiting to be “liked” first. You don’t need his approval to reveal how you feel. Having this level of confidence is damn sexy. And very rare.

To make him smitten, you must bring yourself fully: your integrity, your clarity, your curiosity, your enthusiasm, and your joy. Don’t wait to see what he seems to like or dislike and then adjust. Show your true self. If he’s not a fan, forget him; he’s not your guy. Don’t force it. Instead, continue living your awesome life, perusing profiles and setting up the next date with the guy who is.


Looking for more ways to make him smitten? Find Smitten book authors, Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld, here.

Joan Actually

Dating Expert

Joan is a writer and dating expert.