Me Time in a Relationship: We All Need ‘Cave Time’

A man in a healthy relationship laying video games alone to get some time for himself.

Fans wanted to know: Is there a guy somewhere that understands what “Me Time” means for a woman that works outside the home?

From Venus (Lauren Gray):

Me-time! Beloved by men and women, misunderstood by both. Which is funny because it’s really important in a relationship to balance time together with time apart.

Relationship AdviceIt’s easy to get totally absorbed in love with a person. Being together feels so good, we want to dive into it and never come up for air. But when we spend too much time together, men tend to get cold and detached, and women tend to get extra sensitive, needy, or easily irritated. Me-time in a relationship is most often the solution for these symptoms.

However, we tend to panic when our partner pulls away: what does it mean? Did I do something wrong? Is it over? Is he or she cheating on me? What is he or she hiding? We tend to take it personally, even though we shouldn’t. Since this insecurity happens for men and women, it’s important to have compassion for your partner when YOU feel the need to pull away.

Articulate it in a clear and kind way. The moment you feel yourself needing that me-time, say, “I’m taking me-time today. You didn’t do anything wrong and I’m not mad about anything. I’ll let you know the moment I’m ready to be close again.”

If you’d like to know more about “The Girl Cave” and how to create understanding around me-time in your relationship, click here.

From Mars (Dr. John Gray):

She says, “There’s just not enough time in the day.”

He says, “There’s always been 24 hours.”

Trying to have a career and a fulfilling personal life is overwhelming and stressful. When women are stressed, they have a tendency to keep giving more. Taking regular me-time can help her overcome this tendency to always be there for others. Meeting this new need is hard enough for her, but it’s also a new challenge for men to understand. Lauren clearly explains how to break the news to him.

Meanwhile, men also have this challenge. They also feel the need to take cave time, which is a man’s version of relaxing to forget the problems at work. This break allows him to not only lower stress but also rebuild his testosterone levels. Men need, on average, thirty times more testosterone than women to cope effectively with life’s stresses.

Because he’s not used to a woman pulling away, he mistakenly assumes he’s done something wrong when she takes her me-time. If he misinterprets her me-time and feels rejected, rather than take his cave time, he may feel a greater need to connect with her.  This is a lose-lose situation. He interferes with her me-time and also doesn’t take the cave time he needs.

When he feels successful in the relationship, then he can most effectively relax and enjoy his cave time while she’s taking her me-time. To learn more about the male and females hormones for reducing stress, click here.

Relationship Advice

Sonia Navlani

Freelance Writer

Sonia is a freelance writer and editor with years of experience covering dating and relationships.

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