A love triangle makes a good plot for a sitcom, but in real life, it’s not all love and laughter. Being caught in a love triangle can be really hard if you love someone who loves someone else. Or, if you have feelings for two people and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Love triangles are complicated and more trouble than they’re worth.
If you find yourself stuck in one, here are some tips on how to break through.
Ask yourself if it is worth it.
“When you’re in a love triangle often you’re going to feel all kinds of emotions. One day you’ll feel like you’re the #1 person in that individual’s life and other days you’re going to feel the total opposite, and that’s where you have to ask is it really worth it,” says Joel NR Powell, an Author & Creator of the Ultimate Empowerment Package. “If a person truly loves you they won’t make you feel like a third wheel. Always remember: Never let someone treat you like an option when you’re treating them as a priority.”
Be honest with yourself.
“Are you only attracted to this person because you can’t get them? Often we’re only attracted or intrigued by an individual when we see that there’s a challenge to winning their love,” says Powell. “Once we get it our minds instantly change because the excitement and challenge is gone.”
You have the choice to be the victim in this relationship.
“Know that whenever you’re in a love triangle, the connection between the other two people is never about you,” says Vanessa Keating, a life and creative coach. “Make sure you are clear on your feelings, your commitments and honesty so that you get exactly what you want and need in this triangle.”
Define your commitments.
Are you and your romantic partner committed in any way? Are there agreements not to be with anyone else? Has this commitment been agreed on by both of you (out loud, not assumed)? Or do you both want an open relationship?
“Once you’ve established the commitment and interest between the two of you, you can then look at the situation with some grounding,” says Keating.
Reflect on how you discovered you were in a love triangle.
Ultimately, multi-commitments should be disclosed of early and often.
“If a romantic partner is too afraid to tell you about anyone else, they may not be mature enough to commit to one person or even manage more than one relationship at a time,” says Keating. “If you have been dating someone for months and discover they’re in a long-term relationship, it’s best to either wait for them to break off their previous commitment before you continue or, if it’s an open relationship, come up with an agreement that works for all three of you.”
Talk it out.
Can you talk it out, or is there too much drama and emotion involved?
“Emotions need to calm enough to understand the full story and context on timing, as well as how you prefer to proceed,”says Keating. “Don’t get into a discussion that is fueled by emotion, it will get you nowhere.”
Decide what you really want.
Ask yourself whether this is a scenario that you would have chosen before you discovered you were in it. Do you want to be in an open relationship?
“If you’re a monogamous person and your romantic partner may not want to end the other relationship the best thing to do may be to walk away and remove yourself from the triangle,” advises Keating.
Don’t let it happen again.
If this is your first love triangle, learn from it and don’t let it happen again.
“If you’ve found yourself in these situations before, it’s time to reevaluate yourself and realize that the problem can be you,” says Powell “It’s not an easy task to do, but a very important one if you want to move forward.”