It’s easy to think that all men want the same thing in bed. But, as men age and mature, so do their wants and needs. What 50-year-old men want in bed is significantly different than what men in their 20s or 30s want. By their 50s, older men have found what works and what doesn’t work for them socially and sexually, and they want a woman who understands their needs, as well as her own.
So, do you want to know how to really please a man in his 50s in between the sheets? Here are seven things men in mid-life are looking for sexually:
A lover who is confident in bed.
Ask any man of any age, and they’ll tell you just how sexy it is when a woman is sexually confident. Men appreciate a woman who understands her own sexuality and for good reason. “Older men want someone who is comfortable in her own skin and who isn’t afraid to be intimate,” says licensed sex and marriage therapist, Dr. Kat Van Kirk. Most men over 50 know that a woman’s body and hormones change as she ages, so don’t feel so self-conscience about every little wrinkle, dimple, or freckle, Van Kirk adds.
A lover who can communicate in bed.
We know that communication is key in all types of relationships. And it’s no different for older men—what 50-year-old men want in bed is women who aren’t afraid to tell them what they want. “An older guy finds it sexy when a woman knows her own body and can communicate her needs without feeling shy or uncomfortable about how to make her body work and how he can give her pleasure,” says board certified sexologist and author of, Getting the Sex You Want, Dr. Tammy Nelson. Van Kirk adds that, most men in their 50s have had enough partners that they know not every trick works for every woman. So, give your 50-year-old lover a bit of your owner’s manual.
A lover who is spontaneous.
Surprises are the way to go with men in their 50s. “Trying to plan a perfect evening whenever the stars align is often too much pressure with all those other work obligations. However, many of these men are happy to make things happen on a dime,” says Van Kirk. That goes for sex, too. After having sex for 30 years, men in their 50s can get bored with the same old every night. The experts advise mixing up sexual positions, locations, and even the time of the day you do it.
A lover he knows he can satisfy.
A man’s number one sexual need is to please their partner. Therefore, it’s important that you let him know just how pleased you are. “When a man is his 50s, he wants to be with a woman who he knows he can satisfy because she will let him know. He doesn’t want to be with a woman who will fake orgasms or pleasure, or who will spend all her time just trying to make him happy in bed,” says Nelson. In other words, when he knows his woman is satisfied, it makes him feel powerful and competent in bed.
More than “just sex”.
What 50-year-old men want in bed, is women who aren’t in a hurry to get to the main attraction. These men know there’s a lot more to the bedroom besides just having sex. And, just because they’re older, doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate oral. “Masturbation and intimate touching is still important to the over-50 club,” says Van Kirk. He wants to please you and takes great pleasure in making sure that happens, whether it comes from intercourse, touching, or cuddling. So, take some time to really kiss and touch each other before jumping into sex.
A lover, not a mother or child.
While men appreciate the sweet and caring things you do for them, men in their 50s are looking for someone to be intimate with, not a woman to mother them. The experts agree that men in mid-life want a woman who is a partner, not a parent. That means showing independence, confidence, passion, and compassion. By now, they’ve lived long enough to know how to take care of themselves. And, on the flip side, by now they’ve either raised children or decided they didn’t want any, so leave the cutesy, childish stuff at the bedroom door.
Men in their 50s know that they might not be as virile and energetic in the sack as they once were. Because of this, a little pat on the back is appreciated. If an older gentleman is making you feel good, don’t be shy about it, be loud and clear that what he’s doing makes you feel sensational. Many older—and even younger—men would agree that telling a man what feels good is a turn-on. Telling him what he’s doing wrong is not. And if you’re shy about verbalizing your erotic emotions, moaning and groaning is just as effective.
Remember, what 50-year-old men want in bed is different from what younger men expect. They’re more experienced, a little bit older and a little bit wiser, and have a better idea of what they want and what they enjoy. Like in other aspects of a relationship, as you grow older you have a better idea of what does and doesn’t work for you. Listen to your partner, speak to him about what you want, and find your way together. He’ll appreciate it, and so will you.