Sexual desires and preferences can significantly change with age. What one guy wants when he’s 25, may not be the same as what he wants when he’s 35, 45, or into his 50s. Men in their 40s may not be in their prime, but many still have a strong sexual appetite and they still want certain things when it comes to sex. So, what do 40-year-old men want in bed?
Here’s what experts and a few 40-something men we talked to had to say:
Men in their 40s want to be in bed with someone who’s confident about their body, their sexuality, and the experience. Relationship expert, April Masini, says, “Even if you don’t want to do something, knowing it, and being articulate and even upbeat about your refusal to do certain things, is a lot better for a seasoned guy, than someone who’s coy, insecure and not clear or direct.”
A lot of men in their 40s are still swinging bachelors and may still be all about the hookup. “Whether a guy is married, dating, or still into ‘no strings attached’, we still like to experiment in the bedroom,” says 46-year-old Jay Smith, who is single and lives in New York City. “We aren’t set in our ways when it comes to what we enjoy when it comes to sex, so assuming we like the same old missionary position is actually a huge turnoff.”
Guys over 40 want you to have a good time. “They want to feel like they’re successful at pleasing you because their experience isn’t just about their sexual experience. It’s about whether or not they’re your sexual hero.” says Masini. In other words, they want to be the best you ever had and if you’re enjoying yourself, they’re going to feel proud—and that’s a huge turn on for them too.
“Guys will always love looking at the female body and I think some women feel that lingerie is pointless after a certain age,” says Smith. “We still love it. Don’t be afraid to surprise us with something silky and sexy, especially if we’re not used to seeing you in something like that. Also, knowing you like wearing it for us gives us an option for gifts.”
Men over 40 want a little direction. Masini says, “They’re open to it, and they want you to have done your homework, so that you know your body well enough to clue them in on what works best for you. So, the better you know yourself and your body, the happier they’re going to be with you because they’ll benefit for your self knowledge.”
“I hate when women just want to get right to business,” admits Andrew Zigler, 40 and dating from central New Jersey. “Guys in their 40s can’t work the on-off switch like they used to so we do still appreciate the kissing and touching beforehand.” In addition to getting him aroused, men in their 40s also take pleasure in making sure YOU feel pleasure, whether that comes from cuddling or intimate touching.
If you want to turn a guy in their 40s off sexually, make him feel old, says Zigler. “I stopped seeing this one girl who was eight years younger, because she wouldn’t stop calling me daddy in bed. Some guys may like that, but we’re still young in our 40s so a girl who acts like a child in the sack is total sex diffuser.” Even if a guy prefers to date someone younger, experts agree that men in mid-life still want a woman who is a partner, not a child.
The thing about a guy in his 40s is he still has the active sexual appetite of a younger man but he’s experienced enough to want a little bit more than just a typical night. Be confident, tell him what you do and don’t like, have fun with new things, and appreciate him in and out of the bedroom. You’ll both have a good time and grow even more in your relationship.