How to Spice Up Your Relationship and Keep Things Fresh

If you're wondering how to spice up your relationship, this couple laughing and flirting on a mattress on the floor surrounded by flowers may have an idea.

The longer we’re in a relationship, the more routine it starts to become, and the more we begin to tire and long for that initial butterflies-in-the-tummy, excitement we had at the start. It’s normal for this to happen if both partners slip into sloppy habits, and start to take each other (and their own selves) for granted.

But the good news is, there are plenty of ways to keep the chemistry alive and spice up your relationship—and I’m not just talking about having more sex. (Although, chances are some of these recommendations will lead to that!)

If you’re looking for a few ways to spice up your relationship and add a little more excitement to your time together, here are some things to try out.

Make more effort with the way you look.
Do you tend to hang out in your sweatpants after work and on the weekends if you know you’re not going out or meeting anyone? It’s totally fine to have down days, but it’s important to strike a healthy balance, because what you wear has a huge impact on how you feel, as well as how your partner will see you.

Try wearing something different this weekend, spritz on some perfume, try a new hairstyle out, or slip into something sexy. You’ll feel more attractive, but how you dress and the time you take on your appearance also shows that you’re putting effort in and trying to impress your partner. Even if you’ve been together for years, this is still a nice thing to do for someone.

Get touchy-feely.
Sex is great, but in my humble opinion, all the things that lead up to sex are way better! I’m talking about holding hands, cuddling, and making out. When was the last time you did any of these things, just for the joy of doing them? Even if it’s just walking past your partner on the sofa and grazing their leg with your hand, or giving their neck a little massage, the power of touch should not be underestimated.

Plan regular date nights.
Most of us live incredibly busy lives these days, and when you throw kids into the mix, you often end up spending zero quality time together. Takeout and a movie is nice sometimes, but if that’s all you end up doing every night, then something needs to change.

Pick one evening each week as your date night, and take turns planning something fun—that involves leaving the house and trying new things.

Give each other a massage.
You don’t have to book yourself a visit to a fancy spa to get a relaxing massage—you and your partner can take turns. Buy some nice smelling body oil, switch everything off, and just enjoy the sensation of giving and receiving.

Set the scene.
For women especially, sex starts way before you get to the bedroom. Things like sending thoughtful text messages or leaving notes for someone to find throughout the day are a great way to let them know you’re thinking of them.

Turn down the lights, light some candles, buy some flowers, and put some romantic music on in the background. Feed each other your favorite foods. It all helps you spend intimate time together where you reconnect with each other’s bodies.

Retell the story of your first date.
Do you remember your first date? How did you meet? What did you do? How did you feel? It can be nice to think back to those fond memories and remember what attracted you both to each other, and the excitement you felt back then. Chances are, this excitement will work its way into the rest of your current life.

Change one thing in your bedroom every month.
It’s important to mix things up in all areas of your life—and that includes what your bedroom looks like. Why do you think sex is way hotter when you’re on vacation in a hotel? Because you’re in a new place and you’ve broken up your usual routine!

You can do this in your own bedroom by changing the decor, rearranging the furniture, buying new sheets or pillows, or even adding little touches like a hotel does. Who doesn’t love chocolates on the pillow or a bottle of champagne on ice?

(Also related, it doesn’t hurt to book yourself into a fancy hotel for a night each month either. Lots of spots have local rates that make it more affordable.)

Say thank you every morning.
It’s so important to practice gratitude in your relationship, and for both people to know they’re loved and appreciated. This will make you both feel happier and healthier, and also improve the intimacy and attraction in your relationship.

Try telling your partner how much you appreciate them, or thank them for all that they do for you—pick something new each time and voice it.

Surprise one another.
When you’re first dating someone, part of the excitement comes from the unknown, and the fact that neither of you know what’s going to happen. The longer you get into a relationship, the more predictable and functional it becomes.

But there are ways to avoid this—keep on surprising each other! Change schedules up, create plans for the two of you, have a spontaneous date—pretend like you’re kids and focus on having some fun with each other.

What’s one thing you can do today to spice things up in your relationship? Pick your favorite and give it a try.

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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