How to Deal with a Jealous Girlfriend

A guy kissing the cheek of his jealous girlfriend, and explaining she has nothing to worry about.

It might be a personal insecurity, or a cheating ex that makes someone more prone to jealousy. But whatever the reason, if your girlfriend is jealous every time you interact with someone else and it’s starting to affect your relationship, you need to address it sooner rather than later. Think about it—if you see a future with her, you don’t want jealousy to be a constant part of your relationship.

Jealousy is a common issue in relationships. And, luckily, there are a lot of ways to address it. with a little bit of communication and work, the two of you can learn how to handle it together.

Here are some good steps to take to address the jealousy issue.

Try to figure out if you’ve been casually brushing her aside.
Maybe you haven’t been paying a lot of attention to her recently, or perhaps the honeymoon period wore off a little quicker then she would have liked. She should know that you can’t dote on her all day, but check yourself to see if you’ve been slacking when it comes to compliments and date ideas.

Chances are, she may not even consciously realize she’s upset. Or maybe she’s not going to feel comfortable saying “I want you to pay more attention to me.” Instead, she’ll let you know she feels neglected by openly questioning whether or not you’re spending too much time with a female coworker, or a platonic girl friend.

Sit down and figure whether or not she feeds on drama.
Some people, especially if they haven’t had much relationship experience, like to start fights just to have something going on in their life. It sounds a little ridiculous, but it usually stems from insecurity. Maybe she wants to see how far she can take things with you, and wants to hear that she’s a great girlfriend. This can get pretty exhausting. If you feel like you’ve been trustworthy, but she’s just picking fights, this may not be the best relationship for you to be in. 

Understand that she may be hurting from past experience.
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal in a relationship. Not only is it an action that states, “I don’t care about your feelings,” but it also puts your partner’s health in jeopardy. If her last relationship ended because someone cheated on her, it’s easy for her to get a little worried about every woman you come in contact with. And, you can’t really fault her for that. This is when it’s beneficial to get a relationship counselor. By going to a therapist, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed—it just means you’re trying hard to work on it, and help her see that you’re a trustworthy partner.

See if you’re giving off any cues that you’re unaware of.
It’s possible you happen to do the “turn and glance” every time an attractive woman goes by, but you have no idea. These small actions can make her feel inferior, especially if you and your girlfriend are having an intimacy dry spell. Actions speak louder than words, so if you catch yourself checking out other women in her presence, do your best to bring your attention back to your girlfriend.

Start a new tradition with her.
I
f you’ve been really busy at work recently, it’s possible she’s felt neglected. If she’s a little insecure, she might have 90 scenarios in her head about why you’re coming home at 7:00 p.m. every day of the week—and none of them involve paperwork. Make a plan that you’ll stick to, either every week or month, where it’s just the two of you spending the day together. It could be going to a movie, or going outside and exploring the great outdoors. Every relationship needs maintenance, and with a little one-on-one time, she’ll feel better about where she stands with you.

Learn how to properly communicate with her.
Communication is so important, and also one of the biggest reasons why couples get into fights. Try to figure out her love language, and show her your appreciation that way. It’s possible that you think you’re doing everything you can to ensure her that your relationship is steady, but she’s not viewing your grand gestures the way that you’d hope. Also, every healthy relationship should include talking without a blow-up fight or accusations being thrown. If she gets defensive the second you ask to speak, your relationship needs a lot more work than you think.

Have her meet any of the women she feels threatened by.
Perhaps she saw a photo of the office receptionist while scrolling on Facebook, and now feels like she can’t compare. It’s easy to make up stories and feel insecure when you’re comparing yourself to someone you don’t actually know. By inviting her to the office parties, or asking her to tag along to after-work events, she can get her own read on these people and see that your relationship is purely professional.

Assess whether the relationship is bringing you more sadness than happiness.
Every relationship has a rocky period, and jealousy can definitely make things harder. But if every day is a struggle, and nothing you do seems to work, it’s possible this relationship has just run its course. Don’t be afraid to call it quits if you’re genuinely unhappy. If you don’t cut things off now, you’ll end up being a bad partner due to the fact that you’ve checked out of the relationship.

Jealousy is a tough obstacle to overcome, but it’s not impossible—especially if you really care about your girlfriend. By working together, the two of you can form a stronger partnership and learn how to really trust each other.

Karen Belz

Freelance Writer

Karen Belz has written for sites like Bustle, PreviouslyTV, Heavy, and HelloGiggles. She’s also the founder of Best Recap Ever, a site that’s focused on television news and reviews. She’s a fan of sketch comedy shows and most movies that involve Muppets, and has been addicted to Sugar Free Red Bull since 2005.

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