No matter what you’re situation, whether you were the one to break up with someone or you were the one to be broken up with, moving on after a breakup can be extremely hard. To get some good insight and few tips on the different things you can do after a breakup to move on and let go, we talked to Hunt Etheridge at Hunt for Advice to get a few thoughtful pieces of break up advice.
Breakups can be one of the most difficult things to deal with surrounding relationships. Whether it’s something out of the blue or something you can see coming a long way off, they can lead to feelings of anger, confusion and hurt.
And while it’s necessary to go through some of these stages, at some point you eventually need to get back out there into the dating world. It can seem daunting though after a breakup.
Here are 5 steps to help you move on after a breakup, so you can get ready to start putting yourself out there again:
1. Spend time with friends and family.
Sometimes after a rough breakup, you can feel unloved. So, to make some extra effort to be around those people that do love you is absolutely important. Plan an extra trip home if you live far away. Reach out to your friends and have some small, casual get togethers. It will start clearing out some of that old energy, and refilling it with good and positive energy.
2. Reflect on what happened.
In order to heal and be able to move forward, you need to do some serious self-reflection. Has this been a problem for you in the past? Has this been a pattern? Are you choosing partners that are wrong for you? It’s important to identify the factors that you may have brought into the relationship so that you can avoid repeating them again in the future.
3. Focus on is forgiving yourself.
While yes, you should reflect upon your part in the breakup, you need to refrain from beating yourself up. We all make mistakes that we should learn from. However, that doesn’t mean you should constantly be harping on them. Unresolved feelings of guilt or anger can lead to resentment, and they can fester and cause possible future relationships to implode before they’ve even had time to blossom.
4. Create a healthy mindset.
Lauren Howe and Carol Dweck of Stanford University looked at the effects of our personal stories about the breakup, and how they affect our psychological distress and our ability to adjust. The stories we tell ourselves about the breakup highlight our own deficits, such as being too needy, or not sexy or attractive enough, not smart enough, too boring, and so on and so forth. On the other hand, people who see their traits and personalities as fluid and changeable, tend to create less damaging stories about the breakup. They may be more able to see it as an opportunity for growth, and expect to have better relationships the next time around.
They may think, “I can be less controlling next time,” or, “I can make things move slower to make sure she’s ready for commitment.” That gives them more hope for future relationships that they have, and it’s much more likely that they’ll want to get back out there and find a new one.
5. Start trying new things.
In order to meet new people, you need to start trying new things. Pick up a hobby. Go to a meet-up in your area. See what events are coming up around you. The best way to get rid of old memories is to replace them with new memories. Not only will you have fun doing new things and will have things to talk about on your dates, but you might actually meet someone out at these events. Basically, you want to put yourself back into play and get back out there—growing with new experiences.
Now I know breakups can be hard—they’re the worst things about relationships. But, we all have to go through them to find the great ones. And to quote the famous poet, Taylor Swift, “It’s going to be forever or it’s going to down in flames.” So, don’t worry about these breakups. I know they hurt and I know that they’re the worst part of it. But, get through them, move on, and maybe the next one will be the last one.