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Loving Yourself Again: 6 Things You Need to Give Up

A woman who's learning to love herself again doing yoga on a mountaintop.

Everything seemed to be okay yesterday. But today you woke up and suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of stress from all the changes in your life. I get it because I remember experiencing those same feelings several years ago. It’s not just one event, but a series of events, that began to pile up and make me feel emotionally drained.

A lot of things can cause an emotional pileup. You could be going through something serious like the sickness of a friend or a loss of someone you love. It can be changes at work like a new boss, a promotion you didn’t get, or a missed opportunity. Maybe you’ve recently moved, had kid go away to college, a fight with someone you’re close with, or a change in your routine. Whatever caused you to feel drained, after a period of change or turmoil in your life, it’s normal to feel weary and unsure. You may not even recognize or like yourself very much anymore.

No one wants to be unhappy and everyone wants to feel love. Statistics show that 85% of the population is affected by low self-esteem. The culprit is the absence of self-love.

So how do you get your love of self back?

Well, there are things you can give up in order to return to a place where you can love yourself again. It sounds simple but people often don’t think about the subtle things we do to create a sense of who we are. As I explore in my book, “Truth to Triumph” to love yourself is to experience peace in all situations. But to get there, you need to look at who you are and how you interact with the world.

If you’re ready to fully love yourself again but aren’t sure where to start here are six things you can give up:

1. Defining yourself by the changes in your body.
Changes in your body can sometimes redefine you, causing you to stop loving yourself. Don’t fall into that egotistical trap. Losing or gaining some weight or buying that new face cream may make you feel different, but ultimately your worth and your sense of self should come from something more. You’re a beautiful person but the best thing about you isn’t your body or how you look. Who you are is more than that.

2. Seeing events as your life.
Sometimes it’s easy to see big life events such as getting a job, moving to a new city, getting married, or having a child as the moments that make up your whole life. But these events are just things. Know that your natural ability to love yourself is in the present moment, not in an event that has or hasn’t happened. Live in the moment and do as much as you can now, instead of constantly looking forward or backward.

3. All judgment, including self-judgment.
When you experience unkind judgment from others it can be debilitating if you believe it. The same holds true when you judge yourself. So don’t do it! It’s ok to be honest with yourself or want to improve and better yourself, but this should come from a place of love not shame or fear.

4. Identifying yourself with others.
It’s easy to let a relationship with someone, especially a romantic relationship, define you. And even the loss of that relationship can have the potential to be a part of your personality or how you view yourself. It’s natural to identify yourself with the people in your life, but along the way you can lose who you are by attaching yourself too closely to another person. Give up identifying yourself with others and see yourself as a unique and loving person all on your own.

5. Your fight against change.
When things change that are beyond your control it can make you feel less needed or unimportant because the role you used to play doesn’t exist anymore. This is why so many people fear change. There will come several points in your life where you’ll have to stop fighting an inevitable change and voluntarily move on. You have to give up things in order to grow.

6. Your fear.
You can’t love deeply without experiencing loss. One of the biggest things holding you back from personal growth and choosing to love yourself is fear. If you’re living in fear, you’re not moving forward. It can paralyze you.

When you get to a place where you don’t love yourself, it can feel like there isn’t a way forward. Focus on these six tips and see where they take you. Loving yourself isn’t always easy. It’s something you’ll have to work at your whole life. But when you love yourself that love naturally translates to others. And it can fill your whole life.

Lily Sanders is a noted author, speaker, co-host, and life coach, recently named one of the 15 Top Coaching Experts in NYC. Her newly released book “Truth to Triumph” is a spiritual guide to finding your truth. Lily’s passion is for humanity and she thrives on helping others live life at a deeper level. Download her free e-book “Soul Bread” and start benefiting from her daily affirmations that feed the soul. Follow Lily on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram.

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