Will My Ex Come Back? Signs They Will and Won’t

A couple who just broke up hugging, and the man is wondering, “Will my ex come back?”

A big break up is never easy. It’s even harder when there are still unresolved feelings between you and your ex. Maybe you’re even still texting on a regular basis and trying to be friends. Maybe your ex told you that he wants nothing to do with you. Either way, you’re left wondering, Will my ex come back? Everybody and each relationship is different, so it’s impossible to say for sure one way or the other. But if you’re interested in getting back together with your ex there are a few signs to look for that will tell you if it’s worth your time to wait or it’s time to move on.

5 signs your ex wants to come back:

1. The two of your still have plans.
Whether or not you want to be friends with an ex after a breakup is up to you, but if your ex says that they want to be friends at the end of your breakup talk,  and you guys still have a lot of plans together, it could mean that the door is still open. After the breakup, see how they act and how much contact they keep. If your favorite band is in town and you both go, or if you’re mutual friends are throwing a party and you decide to show up together, that may show that they still think of you as a unit and might be interested in moving past friendship againk.

2. They miss you.
If your ex tells you that they miss you or they miss how you two were together, it’s a pretty clear sign that they’re thinking about getting back together. When an ex says that they miss you, it means they’ve spent some time apart from you and they realize how much they value the relationship. The distance is giving them clarity that they didn’t have when you were together.

3. They still text you.
For most people, texting is our primary way to communicate. Letters were the way lovers sent sultry proclamations of love to one another in the past but now it’s texting. Singles on dating apps decided whether or not to meet through texts. People fall in love over text. People who have broken up recently with the intention of moving on should not be texting. If you’re ex is frequently hitting your line, it means that they’re thinking about you and not just as friends.

4. You’re getting drunk dials and calls at odd hours of the night.
It’s said that your true colors come out at night… or when you’re drinking. If you’re receiving drunken calls from your ex, it means that they’re thinking of  you when they’re a little less inhibited. There’s a good chance that they want to get back together, but be careful. It could be they’re just feeling lonely and miss the connection and not the relationship.. Sober calls in the middle of the night are similar. They miss the comfort of your presence before tucking in for the night.

5. They’re blowing up their social media to make you jealous.
This one is far from a sure thing, but sometimes after a breakup an ex will go hyperactive on social media. They’ll post a bunch of activities that they now have the time for. If these activities feature potential partners or obvious flirting they might be trying to make you jealous. This goes double for direct messages and Snaps. It can definitely be cover for them missing you.

5 signs your ex doesn’t want to come back:

1. All contact is cut off.
Usually if the breakup was bad (and even sometimes during an amicable split), there will be a no contact rule. This is probably for the best if both parties are looking to move on, but it also means that the door is closed. If your ex proposed cutting off contact after your break, it probably means that they have no intention whatsoever of coming back to you and you should respect that.

2. The last fight was really messy.
Sometimes, if the last fight you and your ex had was really bad, there’s just no recovery for a relationship. This could range from shouting to name calling to items being thrown. Usually, if a relationship ends on a note like this your ex isn’t going to be looking to repeat that type of upset and pain.

3. They’re dating other people.
Whether your ex is dating multiple people casually or one person seriously, it’s a sign that they have moved on from the relationship and so should you. This doesn’t mean that your relationship wasn’t special or meaningful, just that, that phase of your life is over and it’s time to prepare yourself for what’s next.

4. Mutual friends are telling you to move on.
Usually when two people have been dating for a long time, friend groups become mixed and the lines blur. In an amicable breakup, it may be tough to tell what your ex is thinking. Do they secretly want you back? Are they just being coy? If your mutual friends are telling you to move on, it means that you should. It means that either your ex is telling you through them that to move past the relationship or that your friends know your ex is moving on and want what’s best for you both. Either way they’re just giving you a friendly nudge.

5. They’ve said the words.
This one is pretty simple, but it’s important to say anyway. Sometimes, when we’re hurt in a breakup, we look for signs where there aren’t any. If your ex said in no uncertain terms that your relationship is over and they don’t want to get back together with you, then you should respect their decision. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes there aren’t any hints or clues—just the way things are. Respect them and accept it, even if it hurts.

Love can do amazing things to us and so can the loss of it. There is no established rule book about what can and can’t happen after a breakup. I don’t want to rule out miraculous reunions, because they do happen, and these signs will help you figure out if one of those is headed your way. But most of the time, a breakup is a break for good, and even though it’s hard you’ll have to accept it eventually. People can be unpredictable and hurtful, but also beautiful and loving. It’s this inconsistency that when love works makes it feel so much like magic. It’s maddening to lose something special, but that’s how it is sometimes. I hope you find the magic for keeps either with this one or the next one.

Alex Bocknek

Alex Bocknek is the senior editor of The Date Mix and works at Zoosk, the online dating service. He’s also a recovering music critic and an aspiring fiction writer (probably lost) on the way to an independent bookstore near you. He can be found occasionally musing about politics, philosophy, and love in the modern world.

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