How To Identify And Overcome Insecurities In Relationships

couple struggling to overcome insecurities in relationships

In a relationship, both partners deserve to feel loved, respected, and comfortable. But when there are insecurities in relationships, these ideals are pretty tricky to achieve. 

Of course, it’s natural to feel insecure from time to time. But there’s a big difference between sometimes feeling less than and being made to feel inadequate by your partner or relationship. 

In order for you to mend the insecurities in your relationships, you first need to spot them. So here’s our advice on how to identify and mend them.

4 Signs of Insecurities in Relationships

Fear of losing your mate

One sign that you’re feeling insecurities in relationships is the constant fear of losing your mate.

Do you often worry that your partner is more interested in other people, even though they assure you they’re not? Feeling this way can be stressful and make you act out.

So how do you tackle this fear? By practicing trust. Regularly sit down and have an open conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling. Be honest and explain to them your insecurities and expectations. 

A supportive, caring partner should respond positively to this. Discuss the root of fear that they’ll leave you and what you can do, together and apart, to work on this.

If you’re truly concerned that you’ll not be able to trust your mate, then perhaps the issue is not your insecurities in relationships. Maybe this relationship is simply not the correct path for you. 

If so, move forward with the people who do support and love you! A supportive network is key to a happier life. 

Insecurities in relationships equal jealousy

Studies show that there’s a certain level of jealousy in a relationship that is considered healthy. After all, you’re in a committed relationship. Of course, you don’t want someone else breaking what you’ve built together. 

But, there’s a point where healthy jealousy turns into consuming insecurity. Common signs of jealousy include:

  • Spying on your mate
  • Constantly questioning your partner’s whereabouts
  • Controlling behavior, such as demanding friendships to be ended
  • Getting clingy with your mate
  • Pettiness, such as  flirting with someone else just to make your partner jealous

While acting on this sneaky emotion seems entirely justified in the moment, it’s not worth ruining a great relationship over. Particularly if it’s based on speculation. 

Check in with each other regularly to discuss your relationship’s health. That way if there’s something going on that would cause your partner to stray, you’ll be the first to know. 

Remember, you can only control your behavior. Monitoring their behavior won’t make your relationship stronger, it’ll only make your insecurities worse. 

Spend time alone together as a couple. Go on a date night or romantic getaway. Spending quality time together will build the respect you have for each other and your relationship. 

The need for constant reassurance

Am I attractive? Do you love me? Do you really want to be with me? Are you being faithful? Why do you like me anyway? These are all questions that are spurred on by insecurities. 

If you’re insecure with yourself you may find you’re constantly requesting reassurance from your partner for validation. While this may feel like a natural response to how you’re feeling, in the long run, it can have negative consequences for you and your relationship. 

Our advice? Love yourself first. Sure, it sounds cringy, but it’s really true. Before you commit to someone you deserve to realize how wonderful you are alone. Your partner can’t take away your insecurities, only you can.

If you’re always relying on someone else to tell you how great you are, it can drain them and you. Plus, what if they’re not there when you need an extra pep talk?

Instead, focus your energy on treating yourself. Take yourself on dates. Create goals that revolve around you, independent from your other half.  Work on ways to appreciate your beautiful self! Self-care is really important. It even makes you a better partner!

You always avoid confrontation

Do you avoid confrontation like the plague? Even when it’s warranted? This could be because you fear that your partner will leave at the slightest sign of opposition. 

If you want to pursue a healthy relationship, it’s vital that you practice honest communication. This means getting uncomfortable topics out in the open and sharing your thoughts and feelings with one another. 

It may feel awkward, even scary. But we promise it’ll make you stronger as a couple and more resilient as an individual. You know what they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Overcoming insecurities in relationships can be challenging. But it’s also rewarding.

We all enter relationships with some sort of baggage and if these insecurities are yours, then tackling them is your battle! You have all the tools necessary to become a more secure and happier individual. You got this!

Demeter DeLune

Demeter is a writer and sex positive blogger who’s been practicing what she preaches for longer than she’d like to admit. She’s the friend you have to warn your other friends about and channels that into her writing. She’s given advice all over the world, but still can’t get her cats to listen.

Discover more about her on her Twitter or website.

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