I Just Want to Be Loved: Getting Past the Frustrations of Dating

A woman thinking to herself I just want to be loved, while looking out over a mountain scene.

When you’re in the dating game, it can sometimes feel like you’re on a non-stop merry-go-round, and you’re about to throw up. You want to get off, but your mind is telling you just to hang on a little longer and it’ll all be over soon. But it just keeps on spinning.

You go on date after date, meeting a mix of the ones who aren’t that into you, the ones who you don’t feel a genuine connection with, and the ones who are downright strange. It’s no wonder most of us end up incredibly frustrated, and wondering what it is we’re doing wrong.

When you keep on watching your single friends slowly pair off, while you keep on throwing yourself out there and getting shot down, it can lead to feelings of loneliness, jealousy, and have a huge knock on your self-esteem, too.

At the end of the day, we all just want to be loved, and when it’s just not happening for you it can make you feel low in all kinds of ways.

So here are some of our top tips on getting past the dating lows, so you can snap out of that funk you’re in, and enjoy the single life again.

Remember, it’s not about you.
When you’re striking up connections with new people and going on a lot of dates but find yourself being rejected a lot, you might start looking inward and blaming yourself. What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep messing this up?! I just want to be loved. Will I EVER find someone to love me?

Here’s the thing: when someone rejects you, hurts you, or disappears on you, it’s one hundred percent on them. It’s got nothing to do with you, so stop blaming or judging yourself.

You could be spending your time and energy in a much better way. So be patient, be forgiving, and be strong, because dating isn’t a bed of roses—but I promise it’s worth it in the end.

Realize that rejection gets you one step closer to the one.
You might see being rejected as a terrible thing, but that’s because you’re looking at it the wrong way. Rejection is actually a blessing in disguise. You know why?

Because that person is doing you a massive favor in the long run. They’re telling you that they aren’t the one for you, and they’re not allowing you to waste any more time on them.

So the next time you get knocked down, remember that you’re one step closer to finding the one who is your perfect match.

Don’t get stuck in old, bad habits.
Maybe you continue to date people who aren’t a good match for you, and you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Maybe you select emotionally unavailable partners, or you’re trying to fill a void within your own life. Or maybe you go for someone who is covered in issues because you like the idea of being able to fix them…

Whatever it is, this will inevitably lead to you getting hurt or feeling taken advantage of. Take a look at your past dates and relationship history and try and see if there are any common characteristics between them. Once you understand the pattern, you’ll be able to begin changing it.

Know that there’s no timeline when it comes to love
So many of us get frustrated when we continue to go on dates that lead nowhere because we put ourselves on this ridiculous timeline. We think we have to find our dream partner, fall in love, and get married by a certain age. And we worry what our friends or society will think or say about us if we aren’t there.

Just like your first kiss, your first relationship, and losing your virginity—finding the one doesn’t have a deadline on it. There is no right time to fall in love, and it’s certainly not an achievement you have to tick off by a certain age.

Let go of what you can’t control.
You are not the master of the universe, and there are so many things that you cannot control when it comes to dating. You could be smart, beautiful, kind and doing everything right, but still end up on terrible dates, or ones that just don’t go anywhere.

That’s because people have minds of their own. You might meet someone who is perfect for you on paper, but they’re simply in the wrong place in life to date you right now. You might meet someone who thinks you’re incredible, but their ex ends up walking back into the picture. So the next time something happens that is totally out of your control, accept that you can’t do anything to change it, and move on.

Take a break if you need to.
If non-stop dating has left you feeling deflated or burnt out, it’s perfectly okay to pause and take some much needed time out. Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you have to be dating. Don’t allow pressure from your family or friends or the culture force you to do something you’re simply not enjoying anymore.

Sometimes we need time alone to work through our own problems, and give ourselves time and space to heal. Listen to what your gut is telling you. Taking a break will allow you to regain perspective and clarity on what it is you’re really looking for, take the pressure off, and help you recover from any of the negative energy that might’ve built up within you from any of the recent dates you’d like to forget.

Remember, you are somebody who is worthy of love.
We’re led to believe that if we’re not in a happy relationship, then there’s something wrong with us. A string of bad dates can leave us in a permanent state of insecurity, and so we start looking inwards at what we can fix in order to be more desirable and worthy of someone else’s love. We think we need the perfect beach body, that we need to wear expensive clothes, or be an expert when it comes to flirting.

I hope you know that you are not broken and you don’t need fixing. You are perfect exactly as you are right now. 

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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