Video Transcript:
Hi, I’m a dating and lifestyle coach, sex and relationship writer, leading love expert, and you can find me at www.talialitman.com. And I’m Hunt Ethridge, your dating and relationship expert, author, writer, advice columnist, and all around swell guy. Today we’re going to be talking about flirting, which is absolutely necessary, important, fun… right?
Flirting is everything. You’re not going to get anywhere in terms of a romantic relationship if there isn’t some flirting going on from both sides. Absolutely. So, we’re going to give you three tips to help get your flirting game in high gear and hopefully help you to find that person of your dreams out there.
1. Flirt with confidence.
So, my number one tip when it comes to flirting is to flirt with confidence—be it online before the first meeting or on the first date. If you’re going to flirt, flirt confidently. And one way that really helps me do that is to, instead of focusing on, “Ahh, are they going to like me? Am I saying the right thing? What do they think of me?” Just switch all of that energy and focus on do you like them. As soon as you start focusing on them and getting out of your own head or any self-berating or anything like that, you’re both going to have a lot better time, and you’ll see your insecurities will kind of fly out the window. Yeah, I teach my clients that you should be worrying about whether you’re having fun. You should be worrying about what the questions that you want to find out about, not trying to present yourself as something else.
Totally. I think the mindset is like a playful curiosity. And if you could bring that to dates, instead of all this pressure—“Will they like me? Am I ever going to meet anyone?”—you’re going to have a much better time.
2. Ask fun, interesting questions.
So, the second tip that I wanted to talk about is how to ask fun and interesting questions. Because everybody asks the normal “getting to know you questions”—Where do you? Where are you from? Like all of these are boring, logical questions, and if you don’t get access to someone’s emotions in those first three to five minutes, it’s not going to go anywhere, right? I totally get it. I call them sort of “information gathering questions.” You’re asking them a question and they already know the answer. For them it’s not very interesting to answer it, so get them thinking in a different way than they would normally be thinking. Get them outside the box. Yeah. So like instead of saying, “Where are you from?” Say, “What’s one of your favorite memories from childhood?” Instead of asking where they went to college, say, “What’s the best party you ever went to? I mean you, you’ve had some amazing, wonderful, fun things happen to in your life, right? I have indeed. And does anybody ever ask you about them? No, I have to sort of access them myself if I want to bring that up. Exactly. So, you want to make these people feel good when they’re around you, and if you ask these positive emotional questions, you make them feel good, and in turn, they’re going to want to be around you more. Yup totally. Make it fun and exciting and something they want to respond to you rather than something they feel like, “Oh, I guess I better respond.” Chore. Exactly.
3. Flirt using body language.
Okay, so the third thing we want to talk about is how to flirt using body language. And body language is a language all unto itself, and it is very important, and it can tell you so much about what’s going on, right? Oh yeah. Non-verbal clues are just as important, if not more important than actually what is going on with your mouth. Yup, yeah. Exactly. And one of the first things we want to talk about is “mirroring.” And what mirroring is, is you’re unconsciously doing the same thing as the other person. If you start to talk loudly, I might start to talk a little more loudly. If you start using a lot of gestures, I’ll start using a lot of gestures. And what this does is it shows the other person, either consciously or unconsciously, you’re alike to each other. Hmm, it kind of puts you on the same side of the table as them; it’s like two becoming one.
The other thing that’s quite nice is when you actually know that the other person is interested in you. And if I am attracted to the person across the table, I will find myself leaning in. I will probably cross my legs towards them. There will be some deep eye contact and then some looking away. There might be a bit of unconscious playing with my hair or touching my lips. And that all means, “Okay, there’s physical potential here.” Yes, exactly. And never underestimate the power of a smile. People do not smile enough and it’s never going to be wasted. Absolutely. No one looks better than when they have a giant smile on their face. So when in doubt, just give them a nice smile.
And also, if you’re wondering whether the chemistry is there, you think you’re attracted to them but you’re not sure, as a female, sometimes I reach out and I maybe graze the top of their arm. And I just want to see how it feels to touch them, how they reciprocate to that. Sort of like trying it on, like how attracted are we to each other in this moment. Yup, yup. And men when it comes to touching, try to take your cue from the ladies. If they touch you, it’s okay to touch them. Just be careful obviously about going overboard. Oh yeah.
So the biggest takeaway is to have fun with dating—whether you’re having a conversation and asking questions before you’ve even met them or you’re in-person flirting on the date. Just make it fun, take the pressure off. Less about, “Is this the love of my life? Are they going to like me?” And just be yourself and enjoy it as much as possible. Exactly. Dating is supposed to be fun. I know it can feel like work sometimes, but just have fun and things will work themselves out.
Good luck out there. Happy hunting. And Talia and Hunt say, see you later. Bye.
