Men staring out train window thinking about should we break up or not

Relationships are never perfect. But if they leave you feeling unfulfilled, then it might be time to consider whether or not it’s time to call quits on your relationship. Trying to decide should we break up is never easy, but staying in a relationship littered with red flags — not to mention a destination sign that reads “Nowhere” — is way worse. Not sure whether you should throw in the towel? Here are 10 signs it’s over.

10 Signs To Look Out For When Trying To Decide Should We Break Up

  • You’re spending more time with friends or alone

If you consistently prefer to spend your free time with friends or solo, that’s a red flag. You’re deciding that you would rather put your time and energy towards other people over your partner. The same goes if it’s your partner choosing their friends over you. Another sign? Going on solo vacations. Yes, alone time is crucial but if you regularly prefer celebrating milestones and memories alone or with anyone but your significant other, then, yeah, it’s over. 

  • Sex? What sex?

If the idea of physical intimacy with your partner is no longer attractive and sex seems more like a chore , then yes, that’s a red flag. If the chemistry is fading and it has become more of a platonic partnership, this is not a healthy place to be in with a romantic relationship. Sure, every couple has their phases and transitions, especially the post-honeymoon phase, but if you’re not physically or sexually attracted to your partner anymore, it’s game over. 

  • They’re not your go-to person anymore

Did you land a big client? Get a raise? Complete your manuscript? Typically we want to share our big moments with our partners. But if you’ve achieved something amazing and find yourself texting your mom or BFF over your significant other? No bueno. This also goes for bad news. Your partner should be your first go-to person for the best and hardest bits in life. If they not, it may be time to reconsider.  

  • You don’t feel like you can be yourself 

While it’s normal to feel anxious or unsure about ourselves in relationships from time to time, not feeling confident to be yourself is a serious issue. You should feel comfortable to ask questions, state your needs and desires, and initiate tough conversations. Being real with your partner is an essential part of a happy and healthy relationship, and if you can’t be authentic and communicate openly, perhaps it’s not the relationship for you.  

  • One-on-one time is no longer a priority 

Do you find that you never spend alone time anymore? For example, spending special occasions always include family and/or friends? Weekends are spent entertaining or doing activities with others, never one-on-one? Your date nights have been replaced with group dates? If one of you keeps bailing on doing things together or won’t commit to doing anything with you unless other people are involved, then that’s a huge sign someone is also bailing on the relationship. 

  • Future planning quietly dies away

Maybe you used to discuss future plans, like buying a home together, traveling to Europe, getting married or having a homestead. But if those future plans are no longer being discussed, or if finding that your lifestyles or stages no longer align, then your relationship may not have a future. When you’re trying to weigh up should we break up or not, honestly answer if you can imagine planning ahead together or not.  

  • Their flaws become painfully obvious

True love is choosing to love someone in spite of their flaws. You might’ve even loved your partner’s quirks at the beginning of your relationship. After all, no one’s perfect and that’s what we do when we’re in love. But if you’re spending more time focusing on your partner’s flaws and criticizing all the things in which they don’t measure up, it’s likely time that you end your relationship. 

  • You fight more

The things you were able to dodge or avoid or ignore are no longer palatable. You can’t help but sweat the small stuff. If you and your significant other are constantly bickering and finding fault there might be a bigger reason behind that. Typically, couples who bicker a lot have become incompatible. Sometimes once the glow of infatuation has faded, you discover that you’re not actually great together. And that’s ok too. 

  • Your communication stalls

There’s no friendly chit chat or sharing about your day anymore. Texting each other and checking in is dying out. If you’re not living together, you might not even hear from your significant others for days when before you would hear and see them every day. Or maybe you’re avoiding your partner’s texts. If you identify with any of the above, then your relationship may be sinking. 

  • You just know it’s over

Listen to your gut. If you feel like something’s off, honor that feeling. So often we ignore that little voice in our heads that tells us something’s not right often out of fear. Whether it’s fear of being wrong, fear of conflict, or fear of being alone, fear can hold you back. But so often we know a relationship is over way before we actually bring us to do the deed. Listen to your heart and look at the evidence, and when in doubt, always trust your intuition.

 It’s never easy trying to decide should we break up or not. Breakups are hard, but what’s worse is staying in a relationship that won’t ultimately fulfill you or give you the type of love and devotion you deserve and desire. If your relationship has one or more of the above signs, honestly assess the signals and admit when it’s time to move on. 

Brianne Hogan

Freelance Writer

Brianne is a Canadian freelance writer who’s been writing about dating and relationships longer than any of her relationships. She applies a “do what I say, not do what I do” approach to her articles, and believes you can find Your Person mostly when you aren’t looking. So enjoy your life, and eat lots of cheese (at least that’s her motto). Her byline’s been featured on Thrillist, The Huffington Post, HelloGiggles, Elle Canada, Flare, Awesomeness TV, among others.