All relationships require a lot of time, energy, and commitment from both partners if they’re going to not only survive, but thrive in the long run. However, it’s also important to be aware of the signs that the two of you just aren’t compatible, and your relationship isn’t worth fighting for.
If you’ve tried everything you can, and you still can’t seem to move forward without second guessing everything in your head; this might be a red flag telling you to call it quits and move on.
Making the decision to end any relationship, regardless of how long you’ve been together, is a difficult one; because you’ve formed a close attachment to this person which you understandably don’t want to lose. And because every couple is utterly unique, there’s no relationship manual I can give you which will help you make a choice.
That being said, here are some signs that it’s probably in both of your best interests to break up.
You’re not happy.
It’s normal to have occasional arguments and disagreements with your partner, but on the whole, you should be consistently enjoying your relationship, the time you spend together, and have an overall sense of happiness when you’re with them.
Every relationship goes through ups and downs, so naturally there will be periods of struggle and challenge; but you should generally feel happy and sure of the person you’re with in spite of this.
If you don’t, and you’re often wondering whether it would be best to break up, then that’s a strong sign that your intuition is speaking to you.
You’re living in the past.
If you find yourself clinging to all the good times and memories you’ve had together in the past, and how great your connection used to be, then you’re avoiding living in the present and recognizing how things have changed.
You should continue to enjoy amazing times together, laughing and living and loving side by side. If you’re not, then you might just be in need of some more quality time to reconnect with one another.
But if you’ve tried to get back to the good times you once shared, and it’s just not working, then it might be time to let go of those fond memories and be honest with yourself that it’s unlikely you’ll be able to make it back to how you were.
Your mind and/or eyes are constantly wondering.
Do you find yourself thinking about what else (who else) might be waiting for you out there? It’s normal to find other people attractive, but still be in a healthy, monogamous, and loving relationship with someone. We’re only human after all.
But it really depends on how often you find yourself having thoughts like these, and whether you find yourself wanting to act on them. Do you secretly wish you were with someone else, or single again? If so, then you probably shouldn’t be in your current relationship, and you owe it your partner to be honest about this.
Your partner doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.
We all have our own doubts and insecurities we’re dealing with. Taking the time to love yourself first before you get into a relationship will really help you work on those feelings, and enter a relationship feeling comfortable and confident within.
In a relationship, your partner should always make you feel better, lift you up, and celebrate you. They shouldn’t fill you with more doubt, or do anything to knock your confidence. If they do, this is a GIANT RED FLAG that they are not the person for you, and I would encourage you to end things now.
You deserve someone who celebrates how awesome you are, and helps you grow as a person, instead of making you feel smaller. You will inevitably meet many people like this in life, but the person you choose as your life partner should not be one of them.
One of you isn’t fully committed.
A relationship requires two people to show up and be fully committed for it to work. That’s what it means to be a team, and one person can’t carry the other on their back forever without collapsing with exhaustion or frustration eventually.
Both people have to be giving and receiving love, attention, and respect; otherwise the person who’s not receiving enough will begin to tire and become resentful.
If one person doesn’t seem to care as much as the other does, doesn’t attempt to resolve things in your relationship, or doesn’t choose to spend enough quality time in it; all you can do is ask them to step up. And if they don’t, it’s out of your hands.
Your friends and family want you to break up.
If all the people you love and trust dearly in your life have voiced their concerns about your relationship, and spelled out justified reasons for why you shouldn’t be together, it’s important to take notice of that.
Sometimes, our families won’t always approve of our choice in partner, and this might come from a place of selfishness on their part, instead of being fully centered on what’s right for us. So it’s important to notice the difference. If it’s just one person who has a problem, then it’s probably small enough to ignore. But the more voices you have telling you the same thing, the more likely it is that they see something you can’t.
It all comes down to how much you trust and value their opinions.
Deep down, you know you’re settling.
You know this isn’t really what you want for the rest of your life, but it’s comfortable, and it might be all you know. Maybe you’re hoping things will change overnight into the relationship you’ve always dreamed of. Maybe you know they won’t, but you’re afraid to leave and step out into the unknown.
Either way, your heart is telling you you’re settling. You’re keeping yourself trapped in a situation that is making you unhappy, and this is only stealing away from your precious time.
Sometimes the most difficult choice is the most loving one we can make.